This is everything that I've ever dreamed of doing with her. This is every dreams I wish had come true, this is how things I wish turned to. Someone said some really wise thing to me "maybe you should stop forcing your reality to her, and just go to her reality." The next chapter you're gonna witness might be the last one. Maybe the last last one. Because I gave up already. On her. I need to move on to things that has happened. And go to her reality where, I, no longer exist, I am going to the reality of the wrecked us, chances are I'm gonna be happier, or I am gonna be just me. Before I forget I want to apologize to some things. Especially to Love, Time, and Death. I wrote angry letters to you, I've put weight on you so much weight and blamed you a lot. I have these 4 letters in me right now. For Time, Death, Love, and Zen.
For time,
They say you heal all wounds, but they don't talk about how you destroy all that's good in the world. How you turn beauty into ashes. Well, you're nothing more than petrified wood to me.
I'm sorry for writing you those words time, the truth is you should be the one writing angry letters to me. If Love is the creation Death is the destruction and time is the terrain in between. I can't understand time. No one understands time. Einstein almost did it when he said time is a stubbornly persistent illusion, we're all a bitch for complaining about time "There isn't enough time" "Life is short", a day is long as hell. Time is abundant, time is a gift. And I'm wasting it. I am here talking shit, time is gifting me. I'm wasting it.
Dear Death,
You travel with so much mythology, cause so much pain, and inspire such fear. But I pity you. You're powerless. You're nothing but darkness. Pure nothingness.
I was wrong when I said death is nothing but darkness. No. Death is the end, it's the reason why Time is important, the people around us is important because death matters, because if there's no death we wouldn't care about our love ones because we'll know they're just there. We'll never appreciate something have if we can't achieve nothing. Death is the pure nothingness, but it gives us importance to the things that exist.
To love,
I trusted you, I saw you every day in her eyes. I heard you in her voice when she laughs, I felt you inside of me when she called me "love". And you, you betrayed me. You broke my heart. Goodbye.
Love is everywhere, Love is within everywhere, through everywhere. Love might be sad right now. But love can be anything, it can be sad, happy, mysterious, warm, sexy, Love can be home. Love is the fabric of life. I thought love broke my heart, no. love is in all of it, love is darkness and the light, it's the sunshine, and the storm, I am right love is there in her eyes, love is there within her laugh, but love is also here now in my pain. Love is the reason for everything. "He who has a why to live for can bear any how" Love is the only 'why'. Everybody I tell you. Don't live without love. Please don't.
To her,
I wish we could be strangers, again.
And to all of you who read this thing maybe uhm 10 below people who continuously reading my magical story. I am so thankful for all of you ! massive thanks to all of you guys.
it's easy to look back and see it, it's easy to give the advice, but the sad part is, people don't look beneath the surface until it's too late. If you're about to lose someone, tell them goodbye. Don't deny them the right to know and the chance to say goodbye.
Someone told me, "I can see your pain" She hugged me. "Who are you losing?" I said my love. She looks into my eyes and said. "just be sure to notice, the collateral beauty." She said it so casually. She didn't said it out of sympathy or awkwardness, it was from experience. About some days later, something happened to me. I would be walking, wherever, and I would just burst out into tears. But these weren't for her tears. These were tears born from something else, from this kind of profound connection to everything. And I realized, it was the collateral beauty.
I am ready to move on.
YOU ARE READING
Sweet Disposition
RomanceA novelist struggling with writer's block finds romance in a most unusual way: by creating a female character he thinks will love him, then willing her into existence.