Sweet Disposition

Seven: The halves that halve you in half.

It's 27th of July Harris' Birthday, a party will be held at Montauk, Arlett's lying on the couch, watching a TV series that's been going on for days. "Arlett why aren't you prepared? It's Harris' Party today." I grabbed the remote control and turned the TV off, "What the fuck? I am watching that." She said.

"Yeah for days."

"It's a marathon." I look at her, "look, Arlett you told me that I should make plans for the both of us, and now I am doing it so please cooperate." She turns the TV on she throws the remote control "Stop quoting me from myself! I know what I am doing." I come close to her, She runs and grabs the remote control, she opened the TV and back to the couch and she hid the remote control on the pillow. I seat beside her, she turned the TV off, she's biting her lips hard, she's crying and I can feel she's suffering, "I'm sorry, it's just things have been up and down lately. It's like my internal compass have been destroyed. Maybe I should talk to someone and get out. Didn't you used to see someone?" "Yeah, Dr. Moises" I answered.

"Maybe you should see him again."

"I thought we were talking about you?"

"Yeah, you're right. We are." We're silent that moment we just sat beside each other. Not a word nor any movements.

Whilst driving in the car Arlett is just looking at nowhere, "So, uh what are you doing on Montauk" I tried to talk to her, "you look like a shoemaker, are you a shoemaker? No? Do you wear Rubber shoes? I like rubber shoes." She chooses to ignore me, "My voice is calm, and I don't want to be engage in any kind of discussion right now." "hmm, that's fine, that's fine with me. It's a fine beach for not talking." I pointed at her feet "I have a son, with a rubber toe. I super love rubber toes that I named my son Roberto." She's still not talking to me, it's red light I stopped the car. I told her "I saved an owl on a tree once." She looks at me, she smiled. I told her, "I love you." She stares at me for a minute, she wraps her arms around me pulling me closer, placing her forehead against mine. "I love you" I told her once again. A Loud horn of a 10 wheeler truck surprised the both of us, "What the hell is the, oh we should go it's green light" we both laugh. I thought it's gonna be okay from now on. I thought.

"With Zeneltha gone, whose eyes to compare the morning sun? ~Love, Joshua"

June 5, 2017 9:00pm Harris and I took the train, There's no people left only me and him, I am seating at the occupying 4 seats with my feet, he's seating in front of me, he asked me. "So, what happened?"

"I am thinking about her. A lot"

"Like some fantasy shit?"

"No, she's real."

"So, what's the problem?" he asked.

"I don't know." I answered him in low pitched calm voice.

"There's so many things I want to tell her. Like, I have all these things that I wanted to say to her, that she's a lonely person, even if other people can't. Cause... cause I know what it feels like, to be lost, and lonely, and invisible."

"Nathan..." he looks at me straight. "you have to go after what you want. I would tear the asshole off an elephant for a piece of trim I wanted that bad."

"I've tried talking to her but, I don't know how to be myself. It's like permanently I'm outside of myself. Like, you could push your hand right through me if you wanted to. And I couldn't see the man that I wanna be versus the type of man I actually am. And I know that I've been doing it, but I'm incapable of doing what needs to be done. I'm like Pinocchio. I'm a wooden boy, not a real boy. And it kills me." The tears started streaming down on my face, slowly. As I come into a conclusion that for the first time, I wanted to be a real person.