Sweet Disposition

CHAPTER ONE

It started with a dream, this girl is going through my mind for a few days now. But, the thing is. I don't even know if she really exist. I mean I don't think there is a girl this perfect. Or if she is real, I don't think I deserve her and It's just sad coming to sense that people don't deserve perfect.

It all started on Sixth of January: the 10th year anniversary of my book called the 'Forgotten by the world forgot'. The idea of the book is about Alexander Pope's poem:

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd?

It is about wanting to have an amnesia. Wanting to sleep and woke up just like everything never happened.

This one quickly got me on the top. Sad thing because girls only want to meet me because they read my book at high school, they are not interested in me. They are interested in some idea of me. Because if people can see through me, they can see how useless I am. Too many girls think I am a concept or I can complete them, but I am just a fucked-up boy who is just searching for my own peace of mind. I don't even know what to write next.

I am living on my own apartment with my dog Poseidon ( a shih tzu), I love Poseidon's little legs, His furry body, and how he wiggles his tail because he's happy to see me, I got him because I thought people would stop by and pet him and I meet them, but Poseidon is getting shy and stressed whenever someone is trying to pet him. And he bites everything. As I mentioned before I am a novelist and I am having trouble writing for the past 3 years. But I know today is my day.

I sat on my desk, trying to remember everything about my dream... how her smile looks familiar, how the way she looks at me I feel's so light. Her sweet voice inviting me, maybe we'd met before. I was just a fool to forget. And I can't remember a thing about her, so I sat there like an idiot

I heard sound of a squeaking toy, and it was Posiedon sitting there and staring at me "Poseidon, don't look at me like that." He drops his toy from his mouth and continues to stare at me

My hands are shaking, lips are drying and I'm sweating, I pressed my fingers on forehead hard, and the phone rings, and desperately picked it up.

Afternoon me and my older brother Harris, went out to the city

--- Rule number one about walking around the city, I told him.

I've done this before

---to shop. Rule number one, riding the bus is fun

That's a rule ?

---Number two, walk around the city rarely to preserve the specialness.

is that even a word?

---Rule number three—

Rule number three you're a weirdo.

---Wrong. Rule number three. Noodles.

Noodles ?

My brother is such a cool guy. He's got a wife now her name is, Sophia And a one year old Child named Jacob. He's varsity player in High school, He works out a lot. And mom likes my brother a lot. More than she likes me. But he is a good husband to his wife, and father to his kid. And me I am just... me. We grabbed noodles while walking around the city, and we ended up in a bar. Drinking beer, we sat on the counter because it's more comfortable there.

"So how was your next book coming along?" He asks as he drink on his beer.
"well, it's okay." I look away from him and he gives me this stare of lies, he always knew when I am lying "I mean. Fuck. I can't write a damn thing."