Mine

Ch. 5

"I love you, more than it is humanly possible Alex. In the 2 years I have known you 1 1/2 I was dating you and I was loving every minuet of it. All of the screaming matches, all of the fights, all of the 'I hate you', all of the 'I love you'. I loved every moment of it. I still dream about the first time we had sex, the first time we kissed, the first time we said I hate you, the first time we said I love you." I look at him and just take in everything; what he just said and where we are.

"Look at us, both drunk on the idea that love will fix us, that love can fix us."

"That's the thing though, it can. Look at what broke us. It's not having each other, not having that love. That is what broke us, and gaining that love back should fix us. We will have to work, but it will all be well worth it." He is right. I'm willing to work for him. No matter what. I know what it has been like the last 2 months for us. It's been hell.

"I've missed you, so so much. I haven't been able to sleep well without you, or smile a real smile." His green eyes look into my blue ones as I talk

"Things just weren't the same, I didn't get to wait for your Skype calls or for you to get home from the studio, after a week I couldn't stay in that house anymore, our house. I had just left you a simple note stating that the house was fully your's and that I wasn't coming back."

"I know, I got so sad that night. That's the first night I had done this" he looks down at his wrist. "Knowing that you weren't coming back, that for some unknown reason, you had left me all alone. Ever since that night, I haven't been over to the house, well actually that's not true, I went over a second time but it wasn't a very good idea." He looks away from me and doesn't say anything else. Why wasn't it a very good idea? What did he do?

"Why, what happened?" Then it hit me. I had left everything he has ever given me there, in our old room. Every love letter, every rose, every necklace, every stuffed animal, and the promise ring he gave me. I had left it all there.

"You had just left everything there, everything I had ever gotten you. You left it all there. You know how I am, Alex. I get sad and angry at the same time and I tend to break things." He stops for a second and takes a deep breath. "I just burst out with sudden anger and punched a hole through the wall, threw the lamp across the room, then I laid down in your spot and cried myself to sleep."

I don't realize I'm crying until his hand comes to my face and wipes the tears away. I don't know what to say. While he was gone, I had broken the window to my mom's old garage and kicked my old football as hard as I could. I didn't want to throw any lamps or punch any holes in the walls. I had just stuck to crying, for the most part.

"I'm sorry." I look into his broken, green eyes.

"For what?" He had a puzzled look on his face.

"For everything. For leaving, for thinking it would be the best for both of us. For breaking you, I will never be able to make that up." I want to cry again, but I can't. I have no tears left in me.

"Alex, stop. Please just stop. You don't have to apologize, you did nothing wrong. You left because you had had enough of it. You left because you thought it would be the best, and you didn't just break me, you broke yourself too." He looks like he is about to cry, if he has any tears left.

"Harry, I need you to do something" I look away from his eyes to his wrist.

"Anything"

"I need you to promise that, no matter what happens, you we'll never do this again. If we break up again and you feel like you need to do this, I don't care where you are, what time it is, or how mad we could be at each other. I need you to promise that you will call me." I kiss each one of his cuts again and look at his eyes once more.

"I promise." He whispers.