Pam tears away from my grip, her phone falling to the floor and she runs upstairs. I sigh and stretch, what happened while I was asleep? I lean down to pick up her phone and shut the television off before sauntering upstairs. I notice the bathroom door is closed but I don't hear anything in particular. Fear courses through me, what could she be doing in there?
My curiosity gets the better of me as I twist the handle and push the door open. Pam, my fragile looking girl spins around. "What are you..." I let my voice trail off, my eyes flicking to her wrist once again a bloody wrist.
"I'm sorry..." She says quietly, I almost didn't hear her.
Her eyes don't look the same, they hold different types of sadness. But I become angry and upset, her phone slipping from my grip. I hear it shatter but I'll buy her a new one. She doesn't look at me though.
My fist connects with the wall, she looks at me, but she looks afraid, I can't tell, all I see is red. I linger for a few seconds before storming downstairs.
Pam's POV
Half an hour has passed... and I'm just sitting here, my feet dangling over the edge. I'm working up the courage to actually jump. I hope it hurts, I deserve all this fucking pain.
I sigh, pushing my hair back. Harry hates me. He hates me now. I can't fucking blame him. But as I think about it more, I don't cry, I have no tears left... I just feel numb. The wind blows past me, goosebumps raising on my skin, but I wish it'd blow me off the edge, right off the fucking edge.
I wish I could fly. I'd fly so for away from here, so far away from my shit hole of a life and start over... again.
God... I have to stop messing this shit up. But it's in my nature I suppose, always screwing shit up. I've messed up everything good in my life.
I even wrecked my own senior graduation, I vomited before I went on to speak, because I was the class speaker, I tripped walking up the steps, then cried a little bit.
I never had a proper junior prom, with the big dresses and stylish hair and perfect nails and makeup, I was too afraid of what people would say, though I had the perfect dress and I'm sure I still fit into it. But I don't think I have it any longer.
My brother hit me, my parents verbally abused me, I was ridiculed at school- I know I don't have it bad- to hell I do. Yes, I had a horrible life in my opinion and screw any fucking cunt who thinks I didn't because they didn't walk in my shoes, they don't know shit about me.
I sigh, pissed and frustrated before my hands grip the concrete ledge and I close my eyes, leaning away from the wall.
I don't know where I'll go after this, but I know it won't be heaven or hell because they don't exist- in my opinion. I think there's a parallel universe you go to.
"Pam, what the hell!" Harry screams at me, always screaming. He then grabs my arms and pulls me through the window. When I look at him he has tears in his eyes, pitiful tears. "What the actual fuck were you thinking!?" He yells, holding me close to his body. That's it, I'm so fucking done. Either I get some fucking medication or I die, and I'd rather die.
I don't react while he embraces me, I sit there limply, like a ragdoll, always played with then tossed to the side.
"Pam, baby, I love you, always." He says sincerely, I roll my eyes. I smell bullshit. He ruins everything, why can't I just die?
*****
He traces unknown shapes on my arm while we lay on our bed. Everyone I love will dissapear. I nearly lost my best friend to suicide when I was 16.
"What do you think concrete feels like when you hit it?" I ask but he only shrugs.
"I think it would hurt really bad." I shrug and sigh, disagreeing with him.
"I don't think you'll feel anything because as soon as you hit it, you dead." I voice my opinion as sweetly as possible.
"Unless you didn't hit it right." Harry explains making me shrug.
"I'd roll into traffic." I add like its the most obvious thing in the world.
"I think you need medication." Harry sighs, regretting saying it, but knows its true so he doesn't take it back. I roll my eyes, turning over, ending our discussion.
"Don't we all." I mumble under my breath. The house completely silent as I drift off.
~~
A/N there's only a few chapters left!! Omfg
Who else loves homosexuals (gays)? because I do! I love them, they make cute couples and one of them is my homiesexual 😂😂😂 hehe
VOTE and COMMENT!!!
Qotd: is it cold where you live? (If it is I'm so jelly omg)
Aotd: as of right now it is cold but it's warming up(: that's Wisconsin weather for ya...
But you know you live in Wisconsin when it hits 50 degrees and that's shorts weather(((;
Kik: @// black_lillie_
Instagram (personal, follow it bitches): @// qirlyinq_hbu
Okay baiiiiiiiii ya ratchet hoes!
