If We Could Only Turn Back Time

Breaking Down, In Charlie's Perspective

Author's Note- I'm a horrible person. I have no excuses for the long no-upload period. I sincerely apologize and hope you still love me. This is another sad chapter, lol... I'm going on vacay in D.C. until Sunday, not sure if I'll have wifi... Just a warning.

Jolie x

I stared at my screen in disbelief. Whoa. That was a deep confession. One Direction truly was falling apart, and it was clear that Louis Tomlinson was blaming himself for it. I began to type out an email:

Dear Louis,

I'm so sorry!

No, too... Fake.

Lou:

Wow, sounds like you need at hug.

Too personal.

Louis,

Have you ever considered seeing a therapist?

Ugh, too... Harsh.

Finally, I managed an email that just could work.

Dear Louis,

Wow. You guys are such good actors... I never would have guessed. You can dish to me any time you need to. Everything that you say will be our secret. As long as I can dish to you. Does life have a point? That was... Random, but that's my main question. In everything. Telling my Aunt Aubrey who I live with would probably make her freak out. She would probably think I was suicidal again. You want to know a secret even Corrie doesn't know?

I'm still suicidal sometimes.

I'm still suicidal often.

After all, I'm going to die soon.

Does life have a point, Louis Tomlinson? Tell me, please, because I honestly don't know.

I don't know why I'm trusting you like this. I barely know you, yet you know more about... The philosophical, I guess, aspect of my life than anyone. Not Corrie, not any friend I've ever had.

I just wish... I wouldn't have to endure the pain that comes with cancer anymore. Life is painful.

I'm too much of a wimp to actually do it, though. Killing myself... The idea isn't terrifying, the ways to do it are. I think Corrie and Aunt Aubrey would miss me, but they'd get over it. My parents, though... they have my little sister, Sasha. And to them, she's perfect. I'm not. Sure, they would miss me. But Sasha, Mom, and Dad wouldn't be crushed that the blemish of their family was gone.

There's probably no use in killing myself. I'll be dead soon. Very soon. About eleven months, and it'll all be over. I just have to endure it. And actually, these letters and emails are really helping. Here comes Corrie... I have to go.

Xoxo,

Charlie

I clicked send immediately so I wouldn't have any second thoughts. I shut down my laptop and set it down.

Corrie looked depressed. "What's wrong, Cor?"

"Eric and Layla are back together. And..." A tear trickled down her face. "It just... hit me in the middle of math today. My best friend is dying. I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Char!" By now, she was sobbing.

I was shocked. Corrie was strong, brave, pretty, everybody loved her. She was everything I wasn't. As far as knew, she had never broken down like this before. I just sat there awkwardly.

She slumped down on my hospital bed next to me. I reached over and hugged her. It was my turn to be the strong one in our dynamic duo.