Falling With No Grace

Out... Again

~Andy

"Hey Andy? Can I talk to you for a second?" I look up and notice Ashley staring down at me, a shy and fearful look deep in his eyes. Why does he look scared? I'm not that frightening.

"Yeah, sure Ash." I smile at him and stand up. He smiles back nervously and motions for me to follow him, walking back out of the room. I close the door behind me as exit so the others can't hear. Is he finally gonna tell me what's wrong? Ash stands in the middle of the hallway, arms crossed and looking at his boots. He's blushing slightly. He looks so cute when he blushes. Woah there, not that again. Get over it, Andy. That's fucked up. I shake me head, clearing it. "So what's up Ashes?"

Ashley shifts on his feet uncomfortably and raises his head slowly. "Are you mad at me?"

I cock my head, confused. "No, I'm not. I mean, I'm a little pissed you wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but we're talking now, aren't we? You know I just want to help."

He laughs with no humor, giving a light smile. "Yeah, I know. I-I just didn't want you to think of my any differently. I could barely tell Jinxx, or Maria--"

"Wait, Maria knows too?" He flinches, realizing what he said, and nods slowly. Annoyance flashes inside me, but fades just as quickly. "Alright, whatever I guess. But what do you think would make me think any different of you? You're my best friend."

"Exactly! That is exactly why I couldn't tell you! Because you'd hate me." He bites his lower lip nervously, and I watch. Oh, that lip...

No. Not going there.

I take a step towards him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Ashley Purdy." I say seriously. He looks up and meets my eyes. I stare into them for a second. "I could never hate you. Whatever it is, it isn't that bad. Do you really not trust me that much?"

His eyes widen. "No! I do trust you."

"Then what's wrong?" He takes a deep breath.

"I-I'm..." he sighs, shaking his head, and looks down. "I'm gay, Andy."

I'm gay, Andy.

Whatever it was that I was expecting, I can honestly say that option never occurred to me. Ashley, gay? The same guy that brought back a different slut every night? The Ashley that I once caught having a threesome with two girls on my bunk? The same Ashley that masturbated to lesbian porn every night during our last tour? That Ashley? He looked up at me, eyes searching mine. God, those eyes...No, Andy. Stop.

"You're gay?" It comes out as a whisper, but he hears it anyway. He nods, mumbling a 'yes'. My heart pounds, but I ignore it. Not now, I'll deal with that later. Wait a minute... That's it? That's all it was? "Thank God!" I let out a huge sigh. He gives me a 'what-the-fuck?' look, slightly pouting, and I chuckle. Oh my god, he's so adorable! Stop it, Andy, stop. "I was freaking out because I thought you were dealing drugs or something. Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

He laughs, looking relieved. "Drugs? Really, Andy?"

"Don't mock me." I punch him playfully in the arm, smiling widely. "I was seriously worried about you! I thought you were wanted by the police or something! I didn't know. Don't laugh, mister." He starts laughing hysterically, and I join in. I let out a sigh; I missed this.

"What the hell gave you that idea?" He says, still giggling. My heart speeds up at the sound of it.

"The fact you didn't just fucking tell me anything! I thought you didn't want me to know you killed someone and the FBI was tracking you." I pull him into a hug, resting my head on his shoulder as he puts his arms around me. "Why didn't you just fucking tell me?" I say, softly into his ear. He shudders slightly.