Falling With No Grace

Lots of Questions

~Andy

"Dude, it's 12:47, I think I'm gonna hit the sack. See you guys in the morning." Ash says, walking towards the back of the bus, beer clasped in his hand. Jinxx, Jake and CC mumble goodbyes, but I stare after him. walking towards the back of the bus, beer clasped in his hand. Jinxx, Jake and CC mumble goodbyes, but I stare after him. He's been acting really weird lately. For the past few weeks he hasn't been himself. Whenever I talk to him he kind of stutters and blushes a lot, but that's if he talks to me at all. A lot of the time he's off by himself lost in his thoughts. Could he be hiding something? I wonder if he's okay.

"Hey, don't you think Ash has been acting kind of weird lately?" I ask. Did they notice it too?

CC shrugs, taking another swig of beer. "Nah, not really. Maybe he's just tired or something, I mean we are playing a fuck load of shows." Jake nods in agreement. Jinxx looks at me, confusion written on his face. I think he's noticed it too. What's up with Ashley?

"Yeah maybe." I mumble, putting down my drink. "I'm going to go talk to him. Maybe it's me, but I think something's wrong." I stand up and walk towards the bedrooms. The door is shut and there's no noise from inside. Maybe he's asleep already, but that doesn't sound like Ash. Usually he's the one who's trying to get us to stay up and watch porn with him. I open the door and step inside.

Ash is laying down on his small bottom bunk bed facing the wall, snoring. I shake my head. I can't talk to him now. I yawn. Maybe I should get some sleep too. I can talk to him in the morning. For now, I go to the bathroom and strip off my clothes. I look down, disgusted. I truly hate how I look. I'm way too thin and there are scars littering my body from my awful childhood. I remember back to the time when I was crying myself to sleep with my wrists bleeding and refusing to eat. I was thrown around a lot for being different. I used to get beat up every day and no one ever stood up for me. They broke bones, called me 'emo' and 'fag', and sometimes they even chased me home. Home wasn't much better, though. They barely fed me because my parents thought I was a freak too. God that was hell...

Thats the past Andy, and look at where you are now! That thought cheers me slightly as I step under the spray of the water and clean off the war paint and sweat from the show. After that, I put on a Misfits shirt and my boxers and walk into the bunk area. I look over at Ashley. I frown. I really want to know why he's been so different lately. I mean, he's my best friend, doesn't he trust me? I sigh and slip into bed next to him. He mumbles in his sleep and shifts to face me. I stare at him. He's smiling in his sleep, and he looks so peaceful. Kind of pretty, actually...Whoa there, where'd that come from?I shake my head. This is Ashley, I remind myself. My best friend, my bassist! And I'm not gay. Sure I haven't been with that many girls, but I so don't like guys. I don't have a problem with people that do, but I'd never go for a guy. God this tour is screwing with all of us, isn't it?

Whatever, I think, pulling the covers up to my chin, just go to sleep. That was just the beer talking. Closing my eyes, I drift off to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Andy...Andy.....ANDY!" I jolt awake at the sound. I turn over and see Ashley sitting up, wide awake. I look at the clock. It's 7:53 in the motherfucking morning!! What the hell? I look back at him.

"YES, Ashley?" I say, glaring at him. Who the fuck is up at this time anyway? It should be illegal somewhere. Since when does he get up this early?

"What are you doing in my bed?" he says, looking at me pointedly. I look around. Oh, I am in his bed. Why am I here again?....Oh yeah I remember.

"I needed to talk to you, but you were asleep." I sit up, stretching. Fuck it's way too early for this!

"So you decided to sleep with me?" He asks. I half smile at him and he blushes, realizing the double meaning in his own words. I laugh.

"Yes, yes I did. And it was soooooohot!" I squeal, and he laughs, turning even redder.

"Shut up, prick. What'd you need to talk to me about?" he growls, punching me in the arm.

I look at him. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay, Ashy. I mean, you've been acting really different around me. Is something up?" His eyes bulge slightly and he turns pink again. Seriously, he's turning into a fucking girl. What's going on?

"I-I don't know what you mean. Nothing's u-up." he stutters, glancing away. I roll my eyes.

"Ashy, if you're going to lie, at least put some effort into it. That was pathetic." I put a hand on his shoulder. "You've been blushing like a schoolgirl, you're not really talking to me anymore, and you're always off in your own world. C'mon Ash, whats up?"

He looks at my hand, then glares at it, swatting it away. "Nothing that concerns you. If I wanted you to know, I'd tell you, wouldn't I?" he hissed. I back up a little. What'd I do?

"Dude, don't get mad at me! I just wanna know if you're okay. But obviously, something's up. I want to know!" I say, kind of worried. Ash looks pissed off, and he's never mad, especially at me. Did I do something?

He glares at me, making me shrink back a little. "Well you don't get to know. I don't want to tell you. Live with it." I stand up from the bed and stare at him. Okay, fine. I tried, at least.

"Fine, I will. But don't fucking cry to me when whatever the hell your problem is gets worse. Seriously Ash, you're my best friend! I was just trying to fucking help!" He looks down, looking regretful. Good. "Whatever, man. Just, whatever." I storm out of the bedroom and jump on the couch. Is whatever his problem is so bad he can't tell me about it? Is it about me? Did I do something? God, what the fuck is his problem?!