For the strange girl I've met,
When I was young, I was told that someday I will meet a stranger. That stranger will become a huge part of my life or maybe could be a reason for some changes I will be dealing with in the future but then I realize that for once, everyone in my life were strangers. Everyone gave me reasons to grow from the boy I used to be. They taught me lessons that I will never forget and reasons that no matter how twisted it can get but are still sensible. However, my mom never told me that she's pertaining to this particular stranger that could cause my everything. I never really thought of it until I grew into the man I am now. That stranger went straight and shook everything I had plan in my life. She did not just passed by but she stops and said, 'hi.'I didn't really care about it back then until I found myself being drawn by her. It's like I am being pulled by an imaginary pool, making me crazier every minute I am with her. She's different. I know she is. She taught me that life isn't what you always thinking it to be. That no matter how many girls I stuck myself into, it can't be enough to fulfill what I am lacking and to satisfy me. She told me that I was depriving myself the peace I deserve and blocking every opportunity for the right ones to come and find me. And that, I was the one who's making my life harder. I never really understood her that time, I got blinded by my pride. It felt like I was being told by someone who never really been in my shoes and I believed she isn't someone to talk to me about that. That time, I had no idea that I'm slowly losing my chance of happiness. It was right there, within my reach but my hands keeps on letting it slip. She was that happiness and I had no idea.
She fought so hard with life and I dragged her down. I went and ruin everything she and I had. Decided that it is all I can give to her and that I don't need her at all. I'm fine by myself and she need not to take care of me but boy, I was wrong. I must be out of my mind when I thought that I don't need her. I need her. I need her in my life. She's that fresh air I am breathing when I am suffocated by the people surrounding me. She's that bright sun I've been looking upon during my dark nights, even when I am haunted by nightmares. She's that someone I am completely losing myself into. I was so wrong to believe that I am fine with myself, that all the girls and guys I've been hanging with were enough to satisfy my thirst of happiness. I decided way too ahead, never looking at the great things in front of me. Now, I lose her but I don't want to decide whether or not I can win her back. I'm clinging on that hope that someday, I will be able to finally get a grasp of my future with her. I don't want to be that immature boy who struggles to satiate my needs using others. I want her to be in my life and I decided today, as I am writing this, I want her to know that even though she thought that I don't love her, please don't lose the love you have for me. I maybe asking you too much and I don't have the right to ask this from you, but please I am begging you. Let me show you the man I have become because I realize it too late that I love you so much. I love you so damn much. You have all the right to get angry about the things I have done when we were together. I made a fool of you and I have no excuse about that. I am so sorry. I genuinely and sincerely am. I know it sounds easy saying sorry but It isn't just that. I am not expecting you to accept that easily, after all I am dumb as fuck. Just let me show and give you the love you deserve. I know I am a lucky fool if ever you give me the chance but if it isn't enough or you find it not right for you. I'll understand. I hope that whatever circumstances or whatever you decide, you will be happy. I am wishing for your happiness love. I'll understand if you won't allow me to become part of it but I wanted you to know that I will always be forever here, watching you succeed in the things that would make you happy. Thank you for making me realize that I still have a future waiting for me.
Sincerely,
From the man waiting for you
