Everything is set.
All she have to do is climb up the wooden table, tie the rope around her neck and jump. In a minute, everything will be over. She doesn't have to worry about her mom and dad getting divorce, or her family going through bankruptcy or her best friend being together with her boy friend. She doesn't have to worry about being eaten up by guilt for sending her brother to the hospital because she thought that going away from home would make her feel better but it didn't. Instead, her brother got on an accident on the way when he was about to fetch her. It's her fault why her brother almost die and she knew that but her mother blamed her for the accident. It has taken a great toll on her.
She knew her brother doesn't feel that way but she can't prevent the aching feeling that's eating her up inside, consuming her slowly. It was that hollow feeling that pushed her to do this. She barely eat anything these past few days because she lost the appetite to do so, she'd rather stay at home and stare at the ceiling than going out there, she lost the only friend she had anyway. She kept asking herself what has she done wrong to deserve all of this? Nobody told her anything and no one comforted her, she was always left at home because her family is busy making plans for their lives but what about her? What plan does she have for her self? She couldn't come up with one. She know nothing. She felt nothing.
With deep breaths and shaking hands, she climbed up the wooden table and stood there feeling determine to end everything. She knew it was wrong but it was the only way she thought of to make the pain go away. As she held the rope against her palm, she closed her eyes tight and slowly run the rope against her neck but life has a funny way to get into you. Before she could tie the rope around her neck, her shaking feet gave away making her fall from the table and knocking the boxes beside it. A loud thud could be heard inside their old storage room but no one's there to hear that aside from her. All the contents of those boxes fell out but one thing caught her attention. A familiar old envelope. Ignoring the pain from the fall, she picked up the envelope and read the words scribbled at the back of the envelope, "To my dearest Mari" it says.
Curious. She tore it apart and took the folded paper out. It was indeed a letter- a letter whom she thought was long gone. Forgetting her early intentions, she went and read the content of the letter instead.
To my dearest Mari,
Hi. I know it's weird for me to be writing this letter to you. I don't even know what to say but someone told me that you don't know how much a simple letter could mean to a person and so, here I am.
Remember when you stood up against Alicia because she wrongly accused you? Or when you save the dog from being hit by an ugly neighbor? Or when you fought those bully when you were in 3rd grade? You fought them back despite of your disadvantage, even when you're so small and skinny. You made them take back what they said about you. That's when I realize how strong you are. You can take care of yourself Mari. You're brave enough to accept the things that life throws at you.
Mari. There are a couple of times that life may challenged you. You might stumble, you might fall but the good things is, you can cry. Crying doesn't make you the weakest. It will lessen the pain. I know it will because I've been through that a couple of times. Whenever I'm hurt, I cry until I can cry no more.
I know, there are things that you can't prevent from happening but what can you do? It was beyond you. Let those things happen and accept it because the truth is, everything is not your fault. Don't be blinded by your own pain. You are better than that. I know, because you and I are on the same boat.
You might not know me anymore but I will always be here. Always be a part of you. Never forget that.
I wrote this for you as a reminder of who you are. At least, who you were. Mari, you are the bravest and strongest girl I've ever known. You don't easily cave in because you know very well that people who gave up never find their way out of their depths. You vowed to never become one of them.
Know that when you found yourself stuck on the dark, you still have that one thing they called hope and you still have me. It's okay to lose your way but never lose sight of your goals and dreams because even a lost lamb can find their way home when guided to the right path. Whenever you feel alone or feel that nobody cares for you, know that you have two people on your side. Me and Him. Call him, talk to him.
They say that when you don't look after the things in your life, they tend to fall apart but don't worry because they are just falling back to their rightful places. Mari, you might be hurting now but you are the only one who can save yourself from crumbling down. Don't give up Mari. You have me.
Feeling the weight of every words on the letter, she sat there on the cold floor unable to utter anything. She couldn't believe it, out of all the possible way, an old letter could take all her will to end her life. Earlier, she thought she was determined to die but she was wrong.
She clutched the letter closer to her heart as she silently cried. She was about to commit the biggest mistake she'll probably make in her whole life. If not for the letter, she would be gone now, hanging hopelessly in the ceiling. Indeed, life really has a way to humor you. She didn't know that she has the answer all along.
As the letter says, she stayed there, crying her heart out until she can no longer cry. Silently praying for her mind to clear and her heart to settle while repeating the last words on the letter. Don't give up Mari. You have me.
She then read the end note.
Love,
Your Old Self
Yes, you have yourself Mari.
It was a letter she wrote a couple of years back when her class was asked to write for their selves 10 years from that time. Instead of titling it 'dear future me', she scratched that idea because she found both the teacher and the idea too lame and so, she wrote 'To my dearest Mari'
The End
