Maybe

Chapter 8

      I jolted awake and sat straight up in my small fort panting to catch my breath as I felt sweat run down my face. I swiped my sleeve across my face and looked to the side where I saw Ethan, sound asleep, and I let out a sigh of relief. There was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep again so I decided to just go outside and get a head start in the task of packing. We had to find another place to live today and I was not looking forward to leaving my cozy camp.
      By the time I heard Ethan crawl out of the fort, I had completely packed up everything. I grabbed two cans of beans and walked over to Ethan. I handed him a can as I went to go sit down by the tiny fire I had lit earlier. Ethan came and sat down beside me.

"You were up early today." He said

"Yeah I couldn't really sleep." I said

"Why not?" He asked

"Nightmare." I said

"Oh, you could have woken me you know." Ethan said sympathetically

"No it's fine. I'm full, I'm gonna just start getting ready to go." I said quickly as I stood up from the fire and walked over to my backpack

      That nightmare had really shaken me up. It made me realize that I couldn't get close to Ethan. I couldn't have feelings for him or even care about him in the world we live in. Everyone ends up in the same place anyway; at least if I don't care about him, it won't hit me too hard when the inevitable happens. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even hear Ethan approach me.

"So, what was your nightmare about? Sometimes it makes it better if you talk about it." He said

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." I said as I slowly loaded my 9mm magazines

      Ethan picked up my rifle and helped me load my guns as he kept up with the conversation.

"Come on Olivia, obviously something is wrong, why won't you just tell me?" He ask d

"Ethan, I barely know you. It was just another stupid nightmare, I'll get over it." I said

"Another?" Ethan asked

"Yeah, it happens all the time usually it's just about my family." I said

"What was it about this time?" He asked

"Ethan just stop! It doesn't matter!" I said as I put the gun in my holster and stood up

      I slung my backpack on my back and looked back to Ethan as he stood up and put on his backpack.

"We better get going if we want to find a place to camp before it gets dark." I said as I started walking away

      I heard Ethan run up to meet me. Gosh this boy can't take a hint can he? I looked up at him with a scowl on my face.

"What? Now I can't walk by you either?" He asked with a smirk in his face

"Whatever, just keep quiet, we don't want another run in with a walker." I said as I continued to tramp along the forest floor.

      I spotted in the corner of my vision Ethan looking down at me and for some reason it annoyed me even more.

"What is it Ethan?" I asked

"What? Nothing." He said as he looked down at his feet

"Come on, I didn't mean to snap at you, I just wanted to get a move on." I said

"No, it's um... it's not that." He said

"Well then what is it?" I asked

      He paused slightly before responding.

"So you don't ever smile?" He asked

      I rolled my eyes.

"That's not true." I responded

"Well, I have never seen you smile." He said "And I can make everyone smile."

"Well, apparently not me." I said

"One of these days, I'm gonna get you to smile." He said

"I can't wait for that day." I said sarcastically

      Ethan ignored my snarky comment as he continued on with his plan.

"And when I do, I feel like the whole world will become a brighter place and this whole apocalypse thing will be over and everything will be back to normal." He said as he gestured his arms to the world around us

"If we're both alive to see that day." I said under my breath

      Ethan stopped dead in his tracks and after I took a few steps, I turned around to face him.

"Olivia, what's going on?" He asked

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I mean, why are you acting like this?" He asked

"Like what? I'm just acting like me Ethan, the same me that I was yesterday." I said

"Did I do something... or say something to have you be this annoyed at me?" He asked

"No." I said as I traced a circle in the dirt with my shoe

"You know, I'm tired. Can we just take a break and rest here for the night?" Ethan asked

      I agreed. I hadn't even noticed that it was now dusk. We didn't have time to build the fort again to just have it for one night so we decided to just sleep under the stars in our sleeping bags. I didn't have the bonus of an extra body to keep me warm tonight; Ethan didn't want to be anywhere near me. We took our places beneath opposite trees and fell asleep as fast as we could. He didn't know that I cried myself to sleep that night, if he had, he probably would have come over and offered his shoulder to cry on. This wasn't the type of crying that was caused by losing someone you love, but the type of crying that was brought on by the want to love another person, but knowing that you can't. I don't know, maybe that made no sense. In my life right now I had two options that I was absolutely sure of; the rational one of pushing Ethan away from me so that neither of us got hurt when the other succumbed to the reality of this world, or the irrationally one of pulling Ethan in and loving him even when I had the knowledge of inevitable death. I had a fear that I was leaning towards the wrong option.