dear draco,

twenty-two

It's hard to explain, and I'm not sure I will ever be able to. But a world without you is a world I don't want to live in; a world I don't even want to imagine.

-

F O U R M O N T H S L A T E R

~

The last time I spoke to Draco Malfoy, I was a hysteric, enamoured disaster. Now I barely know him.

Hogwarts has changed more than I could ever have imagined. The school in front of me now is magnificent as ever, but unrecognisable from the safe and happy environment I knew when I first came here.

The sky is grey and November rain pounds upon the dorm windows. I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling of a broken Hogwarts. Hermione's bed is empty beside mine, her sheets untouched since June. A tiny, horrid, daily reminder of what my life used to be.

I've been trying to get Ginny to move in here. I love and miss Hermione but can't see her coming back anytime soon and don't see any point in Ginny and I sleeping in separate rooms when there's a vacant bed right here. Ginny is the opposite; she clings to the hope of seeing Harry, Ron and Hermione again. I catch her staring out the window sometimes, as if hoping she'll catch a glimpse of them trudging back through the stone gates and straight to the Gryffindor common room. As if that's what's going to fix this whole mess. It's almost like that is what inspires all of her energy; like she is living off the possibility of the three's return.

I wrench myself off the bed and dress slowly. Every day I lose a little more motivation to pull on my uniform. I don't see the point of doing anything anymore, and being alone makes everything worse.

Ginny says that if it's so important to me to live in the same dorm as her, I should have repeated sixth year like my mother wanted me to. But every moment that I spend in this school is increasingly torturous and I want nothing more than to leave. Hogwarts isn't the Hogwarts that it used to be.

Once I've made my way down to the common room, I find the other three – Ginny, Neville and Luna – already sitting there, huddled near the fire. We spend more time here than ever before this year, so we let Luna in on the passwords and sneak her in whenever we can – which, with the Carrows constantly on our tails, isn't very often.

"Isobel, you're here," says Ginny warmly as I sit down beside them. "There's something I've been meaning to discuss with you lot."

I hum and slowly wrap a blanket around myself. Ginny's been coming up with dozens of irrational plans lately, from fleeing the school to poisoning Snape, and by this stage it all seems like wishful thinking. Sure, we rebel against the Carrows as much as we can - from silly practical jokes to promotional DA graffiti - but there is a line that we respect in favour of not getting ourselves killed. Sometimes, and in different ways, Ginny and Neville seem to forget this.

I reach over to Neville, who is holding a large bowl of dry cornflakes. "Can I have some?"

As he nods, a fresh scar above his eyebrow glistens in the light of the fire. "Snuck it from the table yesterday," he says. "I'm sure the house elves have noticed everyone's sneaking food by now but well, they're on our side."

I raise my eyebrows in a lazy response, digging in to the cornflakes with my bare hands. "How'd you get that scar, Nev?"

"It's nothing," he says dismissively. "One of the Carrows was beating up a first year yesterday. Had to step in."

I sigh, trying to turn my morning brain into gear. "You're going to get yourself killed, Neville."

"I think it's bloody brilliant," says Ginny defensively. "Someone has to stick up to them."

Neville nods. "And if other people see us sticking up, they'll be encouraged to do the same."

"Right, and you know I stick up to them too, but sometimes you take it just a bit too far-" I pause when I see Neville adamantly shaking his head.

"You didn't see it. You'd have done the same."

I hand him back his cornflakes. "Whatever," I reply grumpily.

"So anyway," says Ginny casually. "I was thinking we should take back the Gryffindor sword."

Neville chokes on his cornflakes and Luna pats his back. I stare incredulously at Ginny. We discovered only recently that the sword of Gryffindor – which Dumbledore left to Harry – is in Snape's office, nicely displayed on his wall. The sword isn't Snape's to keep, but stealing it would be dangerous, to say the least.

"You're joking, right?" I ask. "That's crazy."

"We could do it," says Ginny confidently. "With all four of us, if we waited until the right moment-"

"Oh, and when's that? Snape is in his office all the time, I highly doubt we could ever-"

"Dumbledore's office," Ginny corrects me. "Isobel, think about it. If we're sensible about this, we'll just find a time that we know nobody's around, including Snape, like an assembly or something."

Neville nods enthusiastically. "And if the whole school knew that the sword was taken from Snape, it would be really be a step forward with the whole, you know." He motions with his hands. "Revolution."

"And what will his reaction be when he finds out the sword's been stolen?"

"It's not stealing," says Ginny angrily. "It's rightfully Harry's sword, we're just taking it back!"

"Shh," says Neville quietly. "People are looking."

"They're right," says Luna serenely. "It's better than doing nothing."

"We're not doing nothing," I groan. "We've still got the DA going, we've pulled the Carrow's heads out of their asses-"

"Fine," chirps Ginny. She scoops up a handful of cornflakes. "You don't have to come then. Three of us is plenty."

I glare at the floor. "Don't be stupid."

"I'm not."

I put my head in my hands and close my eyes. "Okay. Okay, fine. We'll do it."

Ginny grins triumphantly. "Great," she says. "If we manage to find a pattern in when Snape goes to meals, we can do it by the end of the week."

"Great," I reply. "Well, Snape never goes to meals, so-"

"I think we should break into the office while he leaves," continues Ginny as if I haven't spoken. "I'll go to dinner to check he hasn't arrived yet, so we're not stuck outside the office waiting for him to leave when he's already gone."

"I think he goes to the start of meals," chimes in Luna. "Probably just to show his face."

Neville nods. "Make sure we don't think he's plotting ways to kill us all, in all that time he's locked up in Dumbledore's office."

"Another one of us can go scope the place out. You know, wait until we're sure no one's sneaking around, like Crabbe and Goyle or Malfoy or someone."

At the word "Malfoy," Ginny automatically catches my eye. I wrinkle my nose and look pointedly away. I think she believes I still have feelings for Draco, and it's very annoying. She never mentions him, but I know she wants to. "I'll do that," I say, in as casual a tone as I can muster.

"Okay," says Ginny. She stares at the fire so I can't catch her expression. "Um. Luna and Neville, if you guys can wait by the Gryffindor common room and make sure it's as empty as you can make it, so that it's not crowded with witnesses when we get back."

"Sounds like a plan," says Neville. A thirst for rebellion sparkles dangerously in his eyes in the fire light. "Our first heist. Isn't that exciting?"