STRANGERS » JOSHLER

n i n e t e e n

Josh is confused by Tyler's words but he doesn't question as his eyes are beginning to droop. He buries his face deeper into Tyler's chest, making Tyler chuckle. The sound makes his chest vibrate and Josh smile. 

"Tyler?" Josh's voice is sleepy. 

"Yes, honey?" Tyler mumbles back, twirling the red strands between his fingers, eyes staring ahead at the darkening sky and the stars that become more distinct with each moment. 

"They say, to fall asleep you need to pretend to be asleep, right?" 

"Mm, I guess so. Why is that?" 

"Does that mean - Does that mean to fall in love, we need to . . pretend to be in love too?" Josh softly asks, eyelids becoming heavier with each word. 

"I . . I don't know." Tyler whispers. 

Josh softly giggles, Tyler's heart swelling at the sound, "Just know that I'm not pretending, 'kay? I'm so in love with you." 

Tyler's Adam's apple bobs up and down as he gulps. 

Josh's in a half-sleepy state, he doesn't know what he's saying. 

Tell him everything. Or you'll just hurt him. 

You can always tell him later on. Enjoy your time with him while it lasts. 

You'll hurt him even more if he finds out you could've told him the whole time but you didn't. He deserves to know!

"I love you too, baby. So, so much." He presses a kiss on Josh's head ignoring his inner conflict. A satisfied sigh escapes the younger man's lips as his eyes fully fall shut and breaths even, making his mind drift off to sleep before he can hear the last few words. 

"And I'm really, really sorry." 

***

[{tw; body shaming}

and before some of you start, 

no josh is not fucking overreacting. 

most of his behaviour is based off from my own and i'm like this irl with constant moodswings and insecure/confidence moments and suddenly being uncomfortable with someone i'm really close with. if you say he's overreacting then you're basically telling me that i, myself, am overreacting and don't like that so i think i should let you know that nobody really cares and you should probably shut up. :)))

sorry for the longass a/n in the middle of the chapter but some people keep messaging me telling "josh is being oversensitive", "wtf josh has so many mood changes like dude make up ur mind do u like him or nah or what" and i'd just like to say that there are some people who are like this (like me) and they're not necessarily "being oversensitive" or anything

i'm sorry, i just felt like i needed to point it out. continue please.] 

Josh wakes up when he feels arms under his knees, blinking a few times to get rid of the sleepiness and looks at Tyler. Stars are scattered on the now navy blue sky; it must be past six o'clock or something.  

"It's getting late. We should head home." Tyler says. 

"Okay. but– " 

Josh's statement is cut off by the squeak that leaves his lips when Tyler picks him up bridal-style. His hand clutches the brunette's shoulder on instinct when Tyler stumbles a bit, almost falling back down again. 

You're so fat, he can't even carry you. 

"I– Tyler." Josh feels his throat beginning to tighten, "Put me down." 

"Hm? No." Tyler says, adjusting so he is comfortable. "My feet were just kinda numb from sitting for too long. Don't worry, I'm strong. I won't drop ya." He grins as Josh gulps. 

He begins walking with occasional stumbles as he can't see the ground because of the dark, and each time, the voice in Josh's heads get louder and louder. 

Ooh, even with those muscles, Tyler can't carry you. If that doesn't explain it, I don't know what will. 

God, how much did you eat? 

You put on weight again, didn't you? 

Fatfatfatfatfatfatfat – 

"Tyler." Josh's voice is urgent.

He looks at him, still walking, "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself or something? I–" 

"No. Just – Just put me down. Please?" Josh looks at Tyler, the older of the two not noticing the tears in his eyes because of the darkness that set in.  

"Okay . . I guess." Tyler mumbles, put him down like he asked. Josh is quick to pull down his shirt that'd managed to hike up and he begins walking towards his side of the car, leaving a confused Tyler to follow behind. 

"Is everything okay?" Tyler asks when Josh plops in his seat. "Josh . . ?" 

"Huh? Me? Yeah, everything is fine. Absolutely." Josh quickly replies, a bit too quick, not looking at Tyler as he settles down in his seat too. He turns the key and the engine roars to life.Josh chews on his bottom lip, "How long till we reach home?" 

"About an hour and half, two at most." Tyler answers, hesitant to ask if something was wrong because it really seemed like it was, but he doesn't. So they just sit in silence, the only sound being the crunching of of dead leaves under the car tyres. 

***

im sorry this chapter is all over the place. im just rlly sad rn and