I Want You to Know

11 - Where Can I Find Clean Air?

a/n: I uploaded my first draft of a cover. Okay actually, it's the 7th draft of a draft but it's the first draft of the idea I had that I actually like. I know it may not seem like the most aesthetically pleasing cover, but for now it means a lot to me. If I was an artist, I think I'd render the cover totally differently. 

--

I walk outside and smell the cool, crisp air. It smells like Sunday night football games and sitting on the sidelines watching you play. My favorite smell - I could stand outside all night long because you were only next to me when the air was cold.

I pull up to the gas station and think of you, you who smelled like gasoline and ignited a fire in me. I'd drive two hours, spend every day with you, and be running on empty by the end of it all.

I think, if I'm honest, our entire relationship smelled like gasoline. That and cheap moscato. Our breakup like Pink Chiffron and salt.

I stand in the kitchen and cook dinner – the recipe calls for salt. I leave it out because I don't want to throw you on my wounds. I don't want to feel them sting.

I wait in line at the grocery store and smell your cologne. I look around but you're nowhere to be found.

I light a candle and smell the smoke. You threw a match on me and watched me burn. If I saw you again, I'd burn you to the ground in return.

I walk around with smoke clogging my lungs. If only. If only I didn't turn into ashes on the floor.

I wonder what I am supposed to do in a world without you, in a world where all the air smells like you and feels like you and tastes like you.

It's all I can do not to breathe you in.