I Want You to Know

2 - How to Heal Your Heart

Answer the phone. Hear him say the one thing you never thought he would. Hang up on him. Call your best friend and try to breathe. You text him: Did you really just break up with me? You watch him type, stop, type, stop. He doesn't have any words.

Call him back.

Beg. You aren't above begging. When he resists, keep him on the phone while you tear your room apart. Pull down everything he ever gave you, everything that reminds you of him and fling it into the ground. Make him listen to your world fall apart.

Stand your ground. If he isn't budging, then neither should you. Tell him, "Okay, if it's over, I'll bring your stuff to your house tomorrow, and I want mine." List everything you can think of that's at his place: your blanket, clothes, shampoo, conditioner. Hell, you had a second home in him.

Ask for that back, too.

But don't think too hard. It might hurt too much.

Assert yourself and what you want. Too bad you didn't do it sooner, and then say goodbye. Forever. Hang up the phone. For good this time. Sit down on your bed all alone in the silence, only to look up when your front door creeps open.

As your sister sits down beside you, don't say a word. What is there to say?

Have her put your things in a bag and get up and walk away. Leave the pile of his memory for another day.

In the car delete his number. Delete his pictures. Change your passwords and erase every trace of his presence in your heart.

Once you're far enough away, try to sleep. Put your pillow over your head because that used to bring you comfort.

Oh, wait. Don't – that reminds you of him.

The only comfort you get, you get from discomfort. Make it so you really feel the pain. Don't block out thoughts of him. Torture yourself by remembering his schedule. Sleep without covers because your protection has gone away.

Plan only the next hour, the next day. Make a lunch date with a friend. Wear your sunglasses so crying in public is okay. Since, sunglasses or not, the tears will fall from your face. Sit outside and text him because, well, what else can you do?

You welcome the pain. You bring it on. You punch a wall, bruise your knuckle by facing off with a tree. Bargain with yourself. Say it won't last, that it isn't real.

But it is and you know it.

Hate him. Cry over him. Wallow in your bed. Refuse to eat and lose fifteen pounds in the process. Go to the gym twice a day and run like you're running to save yourself from him.

When you find out he has a new girlfriend, feel the hurt all over again. Cry all the way home. Let your friends tell you not to drive in this condition. Call your best friend again and let her words comfort you.

Eventually, you'll come to a realization.

It's over. What more is there to say?