I Want You to Know

32 - Promise Not To Tell

Don't tell her about my jealousy or about my flaws. Whatever you do, don't tell her how my anxiety crippled you.

Don't tell her about me because she doesn't need to know. Don't tell her about me because you have no right to pass judgment and neither does she. Don't tell her about me because I'm part of your past, not your present or future.

And I won't tell them about you. I'll keep your secrets safe with me.

I won't tell them about the words you promised or the words that broke me.

I won't tell them about the half-cooked spaghetti, stiff out of the pot.

I won't tell them about that first Halloween night when it all felt too real. I won't tell them about being eye-to-eye and feeling connected like power lines. I won't tell them about the hockey game or the Christmas lights or the night you told me you loved me. . I won't tell them about the moment I thought you understood it all. I won't tell them about how I believed you when you said that I was the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

I won't tell them about my naivety or about how small you made me feel. I won't tell them about how I stooped so low that I answered your phone when a girl I didn't like called you. I won't tell them about deleting her texts to you. I won't tell them about how I almost broke up with you or how I lay in bed beside you and cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone.

I won't tell them that I loved you despite how you made me feel. I won't tell them that all I wanted was for you to make me feel desired – I'm not sure you knew how to do that. I won't tell them how now I wonder if that was your problem or mine.

I won't tell them about any of it because they don't deserve to know.