Seven

post

Myra's Point of View

Today is the day of the funeral.  It's safe to say that this is the worst thing I have ever done/witnessed/experienced.  I can't get it out of my head, but at the same time, I want it out of my head so badly.

I had to leave the front of the funeral after a few minutes.  I had to get up from the pew and stand in the back room of the church.  I couldn't take it anymore.

Seeing Mackenzie's closed casket at the front, a huge picture of her hung in a gold frame, and her mom and Jared sitting in the front.  It was too much for me to contain without sobbing.  

The worst part of it all was the picture.  It was giant, like the size of a table.  The actual photo was beautiful.  Obviously it was, since Mackenzie was one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever known.  It just physically hurt me to see it.  Her smile was so big and bright, it's almost like she was laughing.  Someone who laughed and smiled as much as she did – I could never have guessed that she was suicidal, and that's what is so horrible about it.  Mackenzie knows more about me than anyone else on this planet, and it was the same for her with me.  She was my best friend.  And through all of these aspects, I still didn't even know that she was depressed.

How can I be so stupid to not even realize this?

Here I am, sitting in the back room of this big church, crying my eyes out and thinking of how ignorant I must be.  

There are so many people here, too.  It's like the whole school is here.  I can see hundreds of students, along with a few teachers and school workers.  Mackenzie barely even liked twenty people at school, how can hundreds show up here to act like they were friends?  Maybe it's to show respect, but still.  Maybe it's since there was no wake, more people are coming to the funeral.  Nonetheless, this is a very large amount of people for a funeral, especially when it's a huge church filled with people that Mackenzie most likely hated.

I'm almost embarrassed to be sitting on the ground back here crying while all of these people are standing around me, watching me and trying to hear what Jared is currently rambling on about.  Jared didn't know two words about Mackenzie, yet he's been going on and on about how wonderful of a person she was.  If she was so wonderful, he shouldn't have abused her.  There's so many people at this funeral that they don't even fit in the actual church, they're all funneling out of the church as well.  I would be going outside to get fresh air and cry by myself, except it's pouring rain out.

"Uh, Myra was my daughter's best friend."

When I hear my name, I try really hard to stop crying for a minute, attempting to peer through the people to see who's speaking.  My schoolmates that are surrounding me all started looking at the train wreck that is me when they heard my name.  I notice that it's Mackenzie's mom.  And to think, I'm pretty sure that her mom doesn't know my name.  I mean, she barely even knew Mackenzie's name.  But, she's sick.  It's understandable.  I wonder where she's getting this information now.

"I have a disease," Her mom says.  "It made me not be able to be the best mom for Mackenzie.  But Myra was always there for her.  They were always together, and I love that.  Myra was a good friend..." Her voice fades off for a second, but just hearing her say this makes me even more emotional.  I wasn't that good of a friend, and I really wish that I was.  "Mackenzie was the best.  She was my daughter.  She always reminded me of everything when I wasn't at my best.  I will greatly miss seeing her every day.  I love her."

I've never even heard her mom talk that much.  It's so sad.  She can barely even function a full sentence.  I've known her mother for years now and that was the most I've ever heard her say.  I'm almost positive Jared or someone wrote it anyways.  It's not her fault though–she's sick.  It's devastating, but that's unfortunately how she lives.