Everything has gone to shit.
Though I have always known this would happen, I didn't expect it all to happen all in one week.
If started with Hunter's party. I knew it was a dumb idea by Emily and I, but we rode our bikes 2 1/2 miles to go to Hunter's house for his party on Friday. As we arrived and so did the others, it became clear to me that this was not a place for me. I couldn't see myself talking to anyone there except for Hunter and Emily. Throughout the night people began roasting other people from school, which soon led to the discussion of my old friend, CayleeAnne. Though she claims that she forgave me, I still feel weird talking to her. Even though I am no longer her friend, that doesn't mean I feel comfortable talking about her behind her back. I didn't want to get involved in this, so I hid behind his house for an hour before anyone noticed me. The person who noticed me was Dakota, which surprised me. Contrary to many people's beliefs, she is amazing company. Both of us had been ignored the whole time, so we confided in each other. We talked about our similarities, such as us both loving to read, and both us us being invisible in school. After Dakota left, Hunter started hugging me and trying to hold my hand. I got extremely uncomfortable, so I asked my mom to pick us up early. My mom then grounded us for riding our bikes that far. When we got home mom and Ken fought because he didn't want us to get our phones taken away. I hate when they fight.
On Saturday I hung out with Maddie, an old friend of mine. We had a lot of fun, but something was weighing me down. I later realized that Hunter had been ignoring me.
Saturday night I stayed at Liz's house, we talked about how fucked up life was. So much had changed this year alone. CayleeAnne stopped dating Emily, me and CayleeAnne aren't friends anymore, Hunter has been ignoring me, Kami has changed, and I blocked everyone out of my actual life. Kami, Hunter, CayleeAnne, and I used to be an unstoppable team. Now, CayleeAnne hated Hunter and I, Hunter hated Kami, CayleeAnne, and I, and Kami hated Hunter.
Today is my anniversary, and I still have a hole in my heart that says that she doesn't love me. I feel so awkward around her, but we still show signs of love. I love her with every figment of my being, but I don't know if I can do this anymore. I never saw myself so lazy. Ever since softball ended I have been extremely depressed and sleep all the time. Lately though, I have been talking to Kaia and Rachael. They help cheer me up all the time! I hope I will continue our friendship even after high school.
Day 2
Today we cleaned out our lockers, I had almost forgotten about me pictures of Heather and Hope; I can't wait until this year's The Door Summer Camp. I found all of my sketch books and old drawings, I felt a wave of nostalgia overcome me.
I basically spent all of lunch sulking because I was told about my girlfriends crush on someone who I can't stand. It was bad enough that she liked someone other than me, but this made it hurt worse.
My chorus friends really helped by singing and dancing with me!
YOU ARE READING
Heart Without a Beat
RandomI don't know what changed, why I thought I was safe. Was it the changing of schools? Maybe it was the "friends" I had made. All I do anymore is plaster on that fake smile that I had thought I could put away forever. Boy, was I wrong. (This is writte...
