Hanahaki - BTS Fanfic #Wattys2017

Love is a Privilege

"What am I doing here?"

Those were the first words to pop out of my mouth.

Jungkook was at the foot of the bed, holding out a pill and a glass of water.

"Gihan, I found you passed out on the sidewalk yesterday. We've still got a wedding to get to, can you just take it already?" Jungkook grumbled.

"You should've left me there," I murmur, glaring at him. He doesn't seem affected, and I reluctantly take the water and pill from him, swallowing the pill and downing it in the water. "You know, I have to blame you for part of this."

His brows jump. "Me? What've I done?"

I slam the glass of water on the nightstand, some of the water jumping out and splashing onto my hand. "What about the fact you told Hoseok about Yoongi's crush?"

Jungkook's face drained of color. "Oh. I fail to see how that affects you, passing out on the sidewalk."

"And I don't see how Yoongi's crush affected you, but you still told like the blabbermouth you are, eavesdropping," I glower at him.

"Look, it was wrong of me to eavesdrop, I'll admit," Jungkook admitted. "But... you were being suspected of being a bit more than friends with Yoongi, while you were with Jimin and all. So more or less I was the one sent to confirm if the suspicion was true, and I heard that."

"Why'd you tell?" I snapped at him. "Even after you found out, you didn't waste a second. Why is that?"

"I thought he had the right to know," Jungkook says. "I'd want someone to tell me if that happened. I thought he should know."

"You told a secret that wrecked someone's life, Jungkook," I scold. 

He looked down. "I know. It... I regret it."

"Yoongi fucking ran away because of that," I go on. "Hoseok couldn't look him in the eye, and he ran from Yoongi. Do you know how much that hurt? To have the person you love to think of you as some sort of freak?"

Jungkook doesn't respond.

I continue. "Not only that, but I got dragged along to run away with him. Hell, he would've done something dangerous or stupid, he needed someone to look over him! We were gone for so long because he had to run away from the humiliation and the embarrassment. And guess what? For the millionth time, I'm the one who got hurt! And you know what else? Yoongi then ditched me- ditched me!- in the middle of some city I've never been in, and I have to find my way back home only to find out the boy I used to love is getting married and that Yoongi got surgery because of me! And then when I was about to finally take a major step perhaps to the right path I have to run into my ex and I'm so overwhelmed and-"

I break out into sobs, unable to finish the rant. I start sobbing instantly, my body shaking and hot tears I didn't even know were forming quickly rolling down my cheeks. Jungkook's eyes widen, and he reaches forward to console me, wrapping me in a hug.

"I'm sorry," he says, smoothing my hair as I curl into his embrace. "I had no idea. Things always seem to go shitty for you, am I right?"

"You have no idea," I weep, shaking my head.

"Look. You've got to go to this wedding. Tae does miss you a lot, he always had, and he thinks he has time to make things right. You guys were best friends, and he doesn't need to have heartache on his wedding day knowing that you're leaving him again by not showing up to the wedding."

"What do you suggest then?" I sniffle.

"Show up to the wedding, head high, and be there for him. I'll be here for you. Hell, we can go to the wedding together," he suggests.

I quirk a brow at him.

"As friends," he corrects. "It is in a way my fault you're like this. But I think it's a bit of everyone's fault when you look at it."

"I suppose," I murmur. "I'll hold it together. For Tae."

"And for yourself," Jungkook smiles.

-

"Jungkook-ah, I don't know why I came," I mumble. "I don't feel well."

It was the party after the vows, and Nayeon was simply stunning in her dress. I could see why Taehyung married her. She was friendly and I was awkward in comparison, but the way Taehyung beamed at the two of us made it impossible to walk away. Still, I was throwing up bloody blossoms earlier, and I felt light headed.

"You don't look well either," Jungkook mentions. I glare at him, and he laughs. "I'm joking! I'm joking! Don't worry, we'll leave soon."

"Hey, guys!" I turn around, seeing Hoseok approach the two of us.

"Oh, Hoseok-hyung," Jungkook smiles. "Can you take care of Gi for me? I need to pee."

"You could've gone earlier, idiot," I roll your eyes. Jungkook pays no mind, already heading over and zipping out to go to the restroom.

Hoseok smiles brightly down at me, but I wasn't feeling nearly as bright at the moment.

"Do you want to dance?" he asks me, nodding his head over to the people dancing, including the newly wedded couple.

"What've I got to lose?" I mumble to myself, reaching over to the table I was by and taking a swig of champagne, slipping into Hoseok's arms.

We start dancing, and he yells to me over the music. "So, I wanted to talk with you. Do you know where I can see Yoongi? I want to apologize to him."

"I haven't seen him since he ditched me Busan," I mention.

His brows jumped. "He left you in Busan?"

"Yeah," I murmur. "The asshole. Why do you want to apologize, though?"

"I guess for running from the situation," Hoseok shrugs. "I sort of distanced myself to think about it. It didn't change anything about our friendship, but I guess I saw it differently. I wasn't fair to him."

"Well, if I see him I'll tell you," I nod to him.

"I heard he got surgery when he got back," Hoseok mentions. "Do you know anything about it?"

"Not much," I lie. A question popped up into my mind. "Say, Hoseok, if you had a choice, would you give up your ability to love in order to not feel pain?"

"Never," Hoseok responds in a heartbeat. "I'd rather die."

"How come?" I ask.

"Love is what makes everything seem a bit more beautiful," Hoseok grins. "It's what gets you to smile in the darkest of times. I wouldn't give it up even if it would save me from my death. Loving is a privilege."

"Hm," I hum. "For me, it's a burden."

"Then you haven't experienced real love," Hoseok laughs, taking my hand and spinning me around.

I quirk a brow. "And you have?"

Hoseok grins. "Well, when I look into your eyes, I can tell I will."

My eyes widen. "Oh? What pickup line did you learn that one from?"

"Made it up," Hoseok laughs. "Actually, believe it or not, I was planning to ask you out at one point. But then I was pretty sure you liked Yoongi-hyung, and you know how that went."

"You should've told me," I say. "It would've saved a lot of trouble."

"I see that now," Hoseok admits.  "I was planning to use the five dates deal."

"What's that?"

"It will take five dates to get you to fall in love with me," Hoseok says. "It's what my dad used to get my mom."

"That's sweet," I find myself smiling.

"Yeah," Hoseok laughs. "Cheesy, but I figured you'd find it sweet."

"Five dates," I blurt.

He quirks up a brow. "What?"

"I'll give you five dates," I say. "I'll give you one chance, and five dates, to change my mind."

"To change your mind about what?"

"Love."