i sips my chocolate milk and scrolling twitter apps in my iPhone. i kept on scrolling until i saw a picture of BTS in Sabah, Malaysia. we shoot our seasons greeting there and it was absolutely a good memory ever because we just being us and i'm just being me, a weird happy go lucky grown ass man.
it's 2020 now and i've decided to change. there's some times i wanna be my old self but there's some things held me back for doing so.
the members see my changes but none of them dare to speak up. i'd struggled back then. i kept smiling whenever i see our fans. i'm doing silly jokes, people call me an alien species and weird.
until one day, i'd decided to become what they call normal and matured, to satisfied their preferences of idols. but then, it isn't make me happy and i feel distanced by doing so. and i don't know how to fix it.
everyone knew i pampered and cared for jungkook so much but now, i can feel a distance in our friendship and i know it's because of me. it's because of my desire to be acknowledge as 'normal' idol by the citizens.
obviously, jungkook is the precious glowing emeralds that will be found in 100 ft deep in the earth and it's 2 times rarer than diamonds. he's cute little introvert boy which came to various of auditions in various of companies and yet, he chose the small company to begin his career with.
like the emerald, jungkook is fragile. he may seem beautiful and tough outside but inside, he needs enough affection and attention for him to frow better. an extra precaution needed for him like emeralds. you need to coat it with a soft oil to prevent it become overly brittle.
i maybe not the reason he started but maybe i can be a little reason for him to stay. same goes to the others.
i'd once fight with seokjin because of his wrong steps during performance. i know i need to respect him because he's older but being this 'normal' needs you to become an egoistic and hard to compromise with.
it feels like i need to win to feed my arrogance and ego. in the end, jin was hurting. although we already made up, that doesn't mean he will forget about what happened.
i questioned myself, why we need to satisfy others want and abandoned our precious one?
my focus distracted by j-hope who is barging in my bedroom. " yah, do you think we can win the award? "
" i don't know hyung. but it will be great if we made it. " i smile at him and show him the soothest smile i've ever had.
grammy... it's a great american award show that can make you recognized by the whole world.
all of our hardwork, tears, sweat, all of those sleepless night, our hardship, sickness, love sacrifice, and our wasted young life will paid off.
and yes, we did it.
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" did we make it? "
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