Devour | on hold

Chapter 16 (Heartache)

-Chapter Sixteen-

**LENMANA'S POV**

Heartache

The sun is burning my eyelids, and I’m forced to open my eyes. Morning has come, and I find myself sleeping exactly where I was staying yesterday: under the tree – Lenno’s tree. I stayed there the entire long night, and I fell asleep where I could find some images of him. I stand up and shake the leaves off my long hair. I approach the river, take a handful of water and splash it over my swollen face; I must have been crying the whole time, even in my sleep. The water is unbelievably cold, and it feels so good. That shiver it causes refreshes me.

I don’t have the tiniest clue of what I should do to take Lenno back, and I don’t know whom I should ask. It feels like this whole life is a big lie when I know all those people and don’t find anyone when I need help. Akando is all the way out of my options, he was the first reason I let Lenno go. I can’t stop being mad at him, and I wonder if all those years of love could, so easily, be turned to hatred.

I want to see Jacy and make sure he’s fine, but I can’t go home. My anger and pride and disappointment won’t drive my legs there. I decide to take a walk in town, I need to think clearly, I can’t just cross the river, jump on the Cannibal’s Land, ask Quidel where he took Lenno and go free him. It’s not a child’s game. Old people don’t play. I now understand why I’ve always heard that growing up sucks. Growing up forces us to believe there are no happy endings. It makes us believe that nothing is ever easy, and nothing goes the way we wish it to go.

I wish my mother were here, I wish I can ask for her help or ask her what to do. I know she would have been the only one to understand me; at last, I’m the new version of her. I know that if she were Lenmana and father were Lenno, she would have been the same Lenmana; she would have done her best to save the one she loves. She must have felt guilty for not being able to do anything at all. She must have hated Akando.

On the way to my undecided destination, I find Kaya walking all alone. And when she sees me too, she slowly approaches me. She didn’t run to me. This is a child. A child, and she’s not happy. Where on earth is that happiness they claimed we should find by following the rules? This is where those rules had led us. Anyway, she stops a few inches in front of me and silently wraps he arms around my waist, and hugs me.

“I wish I can be of any help, sister.” Her voice shakes and she can’t hide it.

I enclose her with my arms as well, and bend a little to let my chin rest of the top of her head, I smell her hair, and for the first time ever, I notice she smells of Virgina Mountain Mint, and the strong refreshing odor makes me smile. That white flower that we collect and grind to use in bathing sometimes. I forgot Kaya has once told me it’s her favorite. I never paid her attention. And I deeply regret it.

“You smell nice,” I push her slightly and hold her chin so that she’s looking at me.

“It’s my favorite flower.” She smiles and tilts her head slightly to the side shyly.

“I know,” I smile back.

“You–you do?” She stutters in disbelief.

“I guess sisters know such details about each other, eh?” I wink at her.

“Yes,” she says with the widest smile I’ve seen ever on her face drawn.

I’m walking hand in hand with Kaya in town, listening to stories about her life that I never knew, her crush on a boy from the Sinopas, her feeling of loneliness, how she doesn’t have real friends, how Orenda has never hugged her in a long time. I almost forget all of my problems for a while, and just listen. Listen to some life so close to mine, but I know nothing about it. I have been too selfish. I never thought what might the others be going through.