Yet Here We Are Levi x Reader x Eren

Chapter Nine

Hot water cascades down my body, as the smell of fresh lavender fills the air. Blood brown water swirls at the drain, like a miniature whirlpool. The feeling of a rag dragging across my skin, leaving soapy suds in its wake.

Letting out a deep sigh, I comb my fingers through my long hair. My muscles in my arms ached from holding them up, my legs trembled in pain, and my fresh wounds stung under the hot water.

You'd think after three years of training, my body would be used to the batter of hits, kicks, jabs, pulls, impacts, whatever the world would like to throw at me. But nope, there has been no growth in the pain tolerance world.

"I wonder what's going on outside the walls right now... I mean the whole point of me joining the Scouts was to put an end to all this terror, fear, blood shed in vain... So children wouldn't be left abandoned without parents, orphans on the street struggling to make it by after seeing the gruesome deaths of many."

I didn't realize it, but I had slammed my fist against the wooden shower wall. My knuckles were white and my hand was shaking.

"Damn it..."

Levi's POV

"Sir, we have reports from our northern group from the wall. Titans are beginning to crowd the walls, sir." A small meek woman spoke, trying to keep her voice steady, but her words came out soft.

"I see, I'll send a report to Erwin. Send message to the northern group to ready for canon fire. Alert the Garrison as well, tell Pixis to do his damn job and get off his drunk ass." The Scouting regiment is always stuck with doing the dirty work for those drunkard bastards in the Garrison.

"Um, sir. I don't think he would like my saying that, very much..." her pale blue eyes fell to the floor.

"Give the message to Nanaba, to deliver. I'm sure she  would have no problem saying it. You're dismissed." The female stood at attention, saluted, did a left pivot, then left the room.

Her salute was messy. They should really correct the cadets on form.

Opening one of the drawers to my desk, I brought out a key to unlock another drawer. It is a small, rectangular compartment, that most people would over look without much of a second thought. But inside held the black leather bound book, with the red ribbon marking the last entry from a girl with piercing green eyes, and long brown hair.

I read through the previous pages, the ones about her confusion in her feelings towards me. How much she appreciated me, and how much I helped with her pain...

Dear Journal (it's not a diary),

Ever since my fathers death, there's always been this void inside me. A dark, burning pain searing away at my happiness. It's always there, it never goes away. It's especially worse when I'm alone. Like it knows I'm vulnerable...

But Levi... He helps, the smell of his clothes, the touch of his skin, the sound of his voice... Everything. He just seems to make the pain go away. Like that void is finally getting filled up... But this won't last forever. I don't have that much longer with him, and when I'm gone. It'll be back. I'll be giving up my happiness, for justice to not just myself, but for the people... I wish I could be selfish, I wish I could just sit there, with Levi, smiling as I rest my head on his shoulder as he plays the piano. But it wouldn't feel right... that's not me. But I wish it was.

As always,
- Asami.

"Levi?" An all too familiar voice calls from the other side of the door. I quickly close the book and place it in its drawer.