A Broken Heart Writes

Bonding IV: Renegade

It's been a while hasn't it? Wonder what you've all been up to, but probably not as much as you are wondering what i and Rose Mela have been up to. You are right though, you are right to wonder because that's all i can give you. Thoughts of possibilities of what became of us, If i were to tell you about what's been happening, you'd probably never stop scrolling. So forgive my absence and simplicity, because you are about to continue the most complicated luxury we humans can never fully understand but have, Love.

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It's been months hasn't it? Months since we went on a date, months since we kissed, oh and months since we last spoke. Yeah, we stopped talking, and i know you are probably thinking 'What in hell happened?' Well this is it.

I'm sitting alone at the same restaurant where we first conversed. At a table for two, nothing fancy, short radius sized table with two wooden chairs facing each other, i'm nervously positioned on one and the other is for-

"Hi!"

i look up to see Rose Mela, i keep looking at her as she puts her bag down on the floor and takes the seat.

Observing my sad facial expression
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" She asks looking at me with so much concern as she places her hand on mine over the table.

I withdraw my hand and rub it against my other.

" Rose Mela, you are amazing. You make me happy, you make it easy for me to feel again. I say the dumbest shit and you make me feel like i had just quoted Einstein. You're beautiful. But this, me and you, it can't happen. I misled you, i do like you but there's still a lot i haven't told you. My heart, my love, i can't give them to you."

Fuck, why do I always cry?

I can't see her, i can't see anyone else. My sight is blocked by dust particles raised when my heart races for HER.
I face the ceiling above me in attempt to make the tears fall back in.

"You're kidding right?" her smiley face looks somewhat mixed with pain

"Don't do this Kosa, i wanna be with you and i know you want to be with me. So what's all this really about?"

"I can't." I say as i hurriedly get up and start walking towards the door.

"Don't!" she yells, making me stop in my footsteps, getting both mine and every other customer's attention. She gets up from the chair and falls on the floor.

"Don't go! i'm sorry please! don't go...pls"

She's, she's crying?

Why? Why is she crying for me? Why am i crying? Guilt? Pain? Agony? It should be. I deserve them all. I blame myself as I run out of the restaurant wiping the tears that managed to come through.

Some of you would say i'm heartless, i agree. Some of you would despise me, probably more than the customers did, maybe even more than Rose Mela should, good. I'd feel the same way if i were you. However, to me i had just saved her. I can't be with someone if i don't love them. But after that day i asked myself, can you cry from the depths of your heart where the tear drops are the bluest, for someone you don't love? My answer? No, no you cannot.

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