+18 - eps 22-27 - A case takes Russell and Brock to the brink of death. It'll be up to Gillian and the team to rescue them before they're killed by a white supremacist militia. And in the aftermath of the Paris attacks, the threat of a bio attack fo...
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As Brock digested such a statement, he saw her bring up a foot to her chair, and her knee to her chest. She couldn't fight her instinct to shield herself when she talked about her emotions. They were reaching deeper waters. So he tried to keep things down to facts, and give her a chance to drift toward a safer shore.
"Gillian, I just saw you with your hands in your pockets face a psychotic killer pointing a gun to your heart. And you're saying my being good at my job scares you?"
Gillian exhaled not to huff. No, stupid man! It's your bulletproof honesty and your heart of gold what scares me! It's your integrity and the way you never hesitate to put your life on the line for reckless morons like me! It's your wits to get inside the mind of the sickest sons of bitches and how none of their filth and insanity sticks to you! It's the way you can't help smiling at the sound of your child's voice! It's your inner strength and your quiet resilience! It's how you understand everybody but punish yourself over the one life you couldn't save, out of the thousand you did save! But most of all, it's the way all of this gets to me every damn time!
For some reason she couldn't tell him any of this. The alternative was harder, but it was all she could offer. "No, sir. It's the way you... change me..."
Her voice was but a whisper, her eyes down on the table between them. The way she uttered those words made Brock scowl. She was going even deeper out of her own will. Something he never expected. He stopped himself before reaching out and take her hand. She'd take it as pity and it'd set off all her defenses. However, her answer puzzled him enough to take a calculated risk.
"Change you...?" he repeated. It was such a surprising notion. She was one of the most solid persons he'd ever come across.
She made a visible effort to say, "When you're with me, I... feel bolder... I know you always have my back, so I dare to do things I'd never..." She trailed off. That was as far as she could go. She'd never thought giving voice to it would be so hard. Tears stung her eyes and she took another deep breath. She'd rather die than crying in front of him.
Brock kept scowling as he tried to figure out what she meant. Because it couldn't be her daredevil habit to always take on the most dangerous post in the field. That was her trademark, and she did it no matter who was with her. And her words carried such a heavy emotional burden...
"You mean leaving the PD," he said, and his low voice sounded too loud. "Quitting on your father."
She could only nod, her lips pressed together in a tight line. She was grateful he didn't need any more to understand what she meant.
He nodded too, his mind searching at full speed for a way to move the conversation away from that open wound. He knew she would let him do it. Anything would be easier than discussing her father.
"Do you regret it?" he asked, careful to give his voice a tone of pure intellectual interest.
"No." Quick, sure, final. She meant it. "It's one of the best things I've ever done, along with giving birth to Connor and divorcing his father." She met his eyes with a bitter scoff. "Two of the three best things in my life are breakups. Profile that..."
He raised his eyebrows to feed that little humor. Good. She'd made it through such a sensitive issue. Now he needed to bring her back to them. And find a gap to tell her about him.
"So you feel I make you a better professional, and my support helps you face things you couldn't deal with on your own," he said, controlled and methodical. "There's nothing wrong about that, Gillian." See? Keep your head cool and don't get on the defensive. There's nothing wrong about loving me. Especially because I feel the same about you.
She stiffened at his words, and scowled as if he'd slapped her. Stupid, stupid man! She wished so bad she could take it as a lousy joke. But it was Brock she was talking to. The word joke didn't exist in his dictionary. Blind, thick Brock, always unaware of his own value and his effect on others. She would've loved to grab his shoulders and shake him, yelling some ugly truths to his face. It's all kinds of wrong because I'm head over heels about a man who hates me! And yet I can't help loving you! To such a stupid extent that no matter how much I want you, all I really need is knowing you're alive and well! It's wrong 'cause I'm a stupid puppet for you to pull the strings! And ages ago I swore nobody would hold that much power over me ever again!
Her death glare seemed to push him back in his chair. Her voice was an angry hiss through clenched teeth.
"It's wrong because I know my place, sir." She sounded way drier and colder than she intended, but damned if she cared.
Brock arched his eyebrows, completely baffled at her reply. How could she take offense at his words? They were supposed to be only a prologue for what he actually wanted to tell her. Okay, he wasn't Romeo of the Year, but there was no way Gillian didn't have at least a clue about his feelings. Save those horrible days chasing the copycats, he'd always been nothing but... An uptight fool trying to push her away, Brockner. That's all you've been to her.
He fought his impulse to roll his eyes and perform a legit all-out facepalm.
No. No way. It didn't make sense. At all. A woman like Gillian, who could have any man she fancied, for one night or a lifetime. Such a brilliant woman, able to read between the lines of the muddiest hints. She'd never fall for an unrequited affection. Not like this. Yeah, he was a blind ass and he'd buried himself deep in denial about her. But she... She of all people should've read the signs all over him, long before he even considered it possible.
Quit whining, Brockner! You better make a move or you can kiss your ass goodbye!
Okay, a move. A move. A clever move. Yeah. What...?
First of all, he went back to his blank scowl and his calm tone. "Yet you're telling me all this..." Keep it intellectual. Get over your emotions, Gillian. Clear your head 'cause we can work from here.
She narrowed her eyes. As if her mind had found its focus, she realized Brock tried to keep it rational because he was at a complete loss. The truth was that he didn't know what to do about her feelings for him. It was funny in such a twisted way.
"I told you because you asked, sir," she said, letting herself slide into the smartass irony he hated, but allowed her to keep from feeling so hopeless and vulnerable. "I'm actually counting on you to take offense. Maybe suspend me again?"
