"Athena," I clap trying to perk her up before Shawn and I are forced to go onto a talk show to talk to the world about two things, one Shawn's bleached hair and Reese's death. It's still sinking in, neither of us have cried yet. It's just so hard to process what we lost. Everyone else has been sobbing the past two days. "Shawn, will you try?" I whine while she cries again.
"Hi baby girl," he gasps cradling her in his arms. "Athena," he kisses her forehead and her cheek. "Are you sure it's not her diaper?" He continues calling her name in a desperate attempt to silence her as we're about to go on.
"Yes I've checked it three times." I roll my eyes while he mocks me a little. "Maybe she's hungry?" I shrug rummaging through the bag for the bottle we'd warmed earlier.
"You hungry?" He whispers putting the bottle in her mouth, calming her quite quickly. "You were hungry weren't you?" He chuckles kissing her forehead. One of the stage crew members pushes us out to the stage.
"How cute," she smiles while I take the bottle from Shawn handing him the burp cloth. "She was born at the time of the incident correct?" I nod slowly while our little Athena falls asleep. Shawn places her back in the carrier he wears. It's a local interview so it's not that big a deal to him.
"She's barely twenty four hours old," he looks at her and smiles almost. No ones seen him look at anyone the same way he did Reese and even I knew that their bond was stronger than the one we shared but she did love us both, and she cared so much. Athena being her little creation, the last one he'll ever get, is the only other person he looks at the way that he looks at Reese. The kids each get their own special look and you know who he's talking to just by the way he speaks. He's so gentile with the kids which are now both of ours I suppose. He's adopting my baby girl and I've adopted his kids.
"And no name no pictures for a while?" I nod thinking back to when CJ was born. His birthday just passed and he's really happy his mama got to see him become a teenager. He's thirteen now but he's still only the size of a five year old, and a small one at that.
"No," I shake my head using a blank tone, not hinting any emotion or any sadness towards the current events.
"We did a little bit of snooping and we found a bunch of old pictures and we've put them all into a slideshow just because of the sad mood it's played with happier music but it's kind of the evolution of you guys with Reese and how everything changed." We nod and Shawn sucks in a sharp breath. Almost reflexively my hand grabs onto his as if telling him not to worry. Reese did it to me so I'm almost positive she did it to him too.
As the slide show plays it starts with pictures of her and Ian, her hood was always on, it never came off. She didn't want people to see her face which is where all of her pain was. Slowly from Ian it transitioned to Shawn, a picture of them kissing underneath the mistletoe, and then her pregnancy portraits. Even pregnant she was a goddess and I know Shawn feels the same. She was just so beautiful, there's no way anyone could see passed it. Soon after her pregnancy pictures with Adam it moved to their prom, and then the triplets and then when I was introduced into their lives.
Shawn's hand squeezes mine and our fingers lace together. If she's actually around us now she's probably the reason this is happening but it's not weird. It's like it's normal, I suppose it's from doing it with her all of the time.
"Are we ok to keep going?" She pauses it looking between Shawn and I. Shawn cries a little while I sit numb, in pain and in the sudden shock and realization that I lost her. Shawn tries to stop his tears but it doesn't work, he looks at Athena and just cries more. Someone brings a box of tissues for him and he wipes his tears doing his best not to cry anymore.
He leans back against the couch we're sitting on facing the roof and closing his eyes. "Are you ok?" I whisper in his ear.
"She's gone," he blinks. "And she died in my arms." Still he stares up at the roof. "I could've stopped it," he growls but I hush him.
"There was nothing anyone could've done about it." I reassure. "Now calm down and lets watch the rest of the video, can you do that for me?" He does his best to nod at me as he sits up. "Stay calm," I whisper to him.
"Keep going?" She asks and I nod, not giving Shawn any time to think.
"Happy anniversary!" Is yelled while a video plays of our very first and sadly our only wedding anniversary. Athena looks plain unamused but it's quiet and dark which helps her to fall asleep.
"We probably didn't do her time on earth justice but we just wanted to put
together a short and sweet little video for you guys."
-
"He's mildly drunk," Jeff gives me an innocent smile.
"Mildly?" I roll my eyes laying Athena in the baby swing. "What'd you do to him?" I sigh shaking my head.
"He went off on his own, he's really not taking it well." Shawn lays his head against Jeff's giving me an innocent look. "And if it makes you feel any better Ian's ten times worse."
"Where's Reese?" He giggles at her name. "Is she here?" He sways a little.
"No," I shake my head at him warily.
"When's she coming home? I wanna cuddle," he giggles again.
"She's not coming home," I sigh taking him into the house. "Thanks for bringing him." I watch him stare around the house.
"If you ever need help," he gives me a sigh. "She was my friend and I know nothing I say could change what's happened but I'm always here if you need to talk, or to get rid of Shawn for a while."
"Thanks," I sigh while he stumbles drunkly around the house before falling into the couch.
"Any time," he nods walking towards his car.
"Shawn," I call softly and he stumbles my way falling into my arms. "Can you sit here for a second?" I sigh at him doing me best to sit him upright. "Don't move." He nods while I lay him down and across the seats. I walk to retrieve some hangover pills dropping an old prescription in the process.
"Reese," he giggles on the couch my eyebrows furrow and I watch him hug a pillow thinking it's her. He acts as if he were smoothing out her hair and he kisses the pillow afterwards. "You lied to me," he rolls his eyes when I get back.
"Can you take this for me?" I fluff his hair a little handing him the pill and some water.
"Ok," he nods swallowing both of the things I gave to him.
"Thank you," I smile giving him a gentile hug.
"Welcome," he's such a happy drunk person, and he's a lot easier to deal with than I thought.
"Now come on its bed time," I grab Athena and then begin leading him up stair by stair to his room. "Get changed I'm coming back to check in a minute." I point.
"Ok," he nods scurrying off. I bring Athena to her room. We have one portrait, only one of our whole weird twisted family together. This includes Shawn and Ian and Kylie, all of them.
"Are you dressed?" I push the door open slowly, he wears only his boxers which I'm assuming is usually all he wears to sleep. "Alright," I sigh at him.
"Wait," he calls looking nervously around the room. "Will you come cuddle with me?"
"Shawn," I sigh and he pouts.
"Reese isn't here and I-I can't sleep without someone else with me," he sniffs and I sigh again.
"Alright," I flick the light off walking towards him. "But don't get used to this." I warn and he nods.
"Thank you," he holds me in his arms like he did her. "You're the best," he smiles slowly falling asleep.
