Sentinal's Tear (Book #1 in Requiem Series) [formally titled Lacrimosa]

Chapter 49

Aydan

The new semester starts and I must resume a normal life. Go to class, meet people. An unfamiliar fear rattles through me. I drown under the loneliness that now defines me. I walk up the steps of my new school, anxiety an ever-present part of my new body. Stealing a glance at my reflection in the glass door, I see myself. Just as tall, just as lean, with skin the color of tea. My hair naturally dark, curling at the ends. My eyes look inhuman—black orbs colored with streaks of amber.

A black turtleneck and heavy scarf hide the remainder of my shame. The top of the brand peeks out from under the scarf. My hands instinctively move to the black marks. They no longer burn, no longer control me.

But for how long?

Trepidation tosses my stomach as acid swirls up my throat, coating my tongue. I pretend I'm fine. Pretend my life is fine.

If only.

Registration takes moments, Gabriel made sure of that. I get my books and walk to class. Every shadow whispers to me. Azza is out there. Somewhere. He will seek his revenge.

He always does.

How can I fight what I can't see? What I can't sense? Will the angels who sent me here protect me? Can they? How long will this mortal life last? Not long, I think. Too many questions I can never answer.

Staring at the schedule, I read the name. Aydan Johnson. Just like before. I walk into European History. The teacher assigns me a seat at an empty table.

Good.

No one to bother me. No one to voice the things I cannot say. I think about the past Gabriel has constructed for me. A broken home with parents long dead. The tragedy of that story mirrors my own.

School passes in a blur, one class into the next. One day into the next. There has to be more to this life. More than the loneliness I can't seem to escape.

Another month passes. And then another. I have no friends. Speak to no one. Azza will send spies to tempt me. Demons dressed up as friends. I trust no one.

My dreams have turned into waking memories. Images of Nesy are permanently burned into my thoughts. I see every detail of her face painted in the landscape around me. I feel her touch on my skin whenever the wind blows.

And I remember how it felt when she died in my arms.

The scenes of that time repeat over and over in a never-ending loop, constant reminders of the Beast I was.

The Beast I may still be.

I'd accepted my judgment without question. Agreed to live a mortal life. I didn't know my memories would come with me; didn't know I'd relive them every day.

Death would have been more merciful.

The leather journal still sits on my table, dust collecting on the cover. I grab it, again caressing the binding. Use this to remember who you are. Gabriel's words repeat in Nesy's voice.

Remember who you are...

A lone tear slithers down my cheek. Can I do this?

I open the book, looking at the white linen of the pages. They call to me, begging to be written on. I have nothing left to lose now. The pen gripped tightly in my hand, I begin to write...

I didn't know being human would hurt so much. I feel so cut off. All of the time. And yet, my emotions consume me constantly.

The words pour onto the pages as I write my last confessions. Forbidden love for a human who was an angel. Fear of a Master who was the Beast. Hatred for the angel who craved revenge.

Hatred for me.

I empty my soul into the book, one page at a time, until the sun sets. Tired and vacant, I sleep a dreamless sleep at last.