Through The Dark (Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 9

Aubree's POV

I pressed the "+" button on the side of my iPhone, trying to turn up the sound of The 1975 playing in my ears while I passed obnoxious high schoolers walking on the opposite side of the road, but then realized my music was already at full volume.

I made it home from the book store two songs later, and walked into the warm, comforting air after opening the door and escaping the frigid snowy weather.

I closed the door behind me, not bothering to yell to whoever was in the house that I was home.

I barely made it halfway up the staircase before my mother called out from the kitchen, "Aubree! Please come in here."

I stopped in my tracks, sighed. I wasn't in the mood for her. I was just plain exhausted. Like always.

"You didn't eat breakfast this morning."

I stared blankly at her, "Okay."

"And you left your lunch that I packed you for work here."

I didn't need my mother packing my lunch.

I was 18.

"Can you tell me what's wrong with you?"

A lot. I was fucked up.

"You never eat anything and you're skinny as a twig to the point where it's way too unhealthy!"

First I was too fat, now I'm too skinny according to her. I would never be good enough.

"And you just sit inside you're room all day unless you're working! You even convinced me not to force you to go to college so you could experience the real world! Well you're not doing anything with your life!"

She threw her hands in her hands in her brown hair which was greying at the roots, and I suddenly stopped responding in my head. I lashed out at her, "I'm sorry that I've been depressed for about five years now and you guys just treat me like shit nonstop! I'm sorry that I'm not and never will be good enough for you! I'm sorry that I'll never be good enough for anyone to love! And I'm sorry that I hurt myself because I want to numb the pain in my mind! I'm sorry that I starve myself because everyone calls me fat and I believe it!"

I rushed out of the room, not wanting her to see the tears dripping from my eyes.

I crawled into bed after shutting the door and took two sleeping pills.

Mere hours later, there was a knock on my door. I gulped down my nervousness and motioned for my mum to sit next to me on my bed, suddenly aware of the covers strewn across the mattress, laying limp over the edge in defeat from my fight from my nightmare.

As she crawled on her hands and knees to arrange herself next to me against the back of the bed, brushing her thick dark hair from her face, I remembered how close we used to be. How we would both climb into bed together when I was seven and read stories every night until I fell asleep in her lap.

I glimpsed over at her, staring straight at my door, expressionless, and I saw the wrinkles on her face, permanent from worrying about me for the past four or five years.

"Aubree."

"Yeah."

"We need to do something about this."

I mindlessly rubbed at my wrist, immediately quitting when my mum's eyes fell on the action.

I simply gulped and stiffened at her statement.

"I think you should see someone. It's been almost five years." Her head turned to me, "A doctor or a therapist? I talked to one a few years ago, but they said I should talk to you about it all first. I just wanted you to get yourself resolved on your own."