But I Do

Chapter 1

But I Do

Chapter 1.

Desperately clamoring for the door handle, a breaking woman nearly tumbled out of the driver’s seat of the car that had just pulled into a crumbly suburban driveway. With a small cry, her hands found the ground as quickly as possible. Her fingers, slender and shaking, curled instantly into the earth, holding onto fistfuls of dirt and weeds, needing to feel the solidity of the dry ground. Tremors rolled through the woman's petite body in waves, as she succumbed to the unrelenting, convulsive sobs that were now taking her over completely. The woman who was crumbling as surely as the ancient gravel behind her was named Hayley Williams.

Hayley crossed her arms over her ribcage as tight as she could stand, her fingernails clawing into her sides. She couldn't feel it anyway. Kneeling in the browning grass under gray skies, she couldn't hear even her own thoughts over the cacophony of her uncontrollable crying. Breathless, she knew only that she needed to pull herself together, before she made an even bigger scene. She jerked a trembling hand up to her mouth, balling it into a fist, muffling her gasps. She realized raindrops were falling- a few hours later than the slightly-too-excited weather man on the forecast this morning had predicted, but still rain nonetheless. The thought- Nay, the memory, evoked a pathetic sound from the back of her throat. This morning. This morning, he was still here. She pushed away his name, another squeak escaping her mouth. At first the feverish redhead hadn't noticed the rain, for she was covered in tears and countless beads of cold sweat. Amidst desperate gasps for air, a part of Hayley wanted to stay out in the front lawn forever, not caring about the rain, nor anything else. She was nearly too weak to walk inside at this point anyways, she thought. “What's the point?” She'd thought, “What's the point in anything? I just want to die.” And then she stopped herself. While her emotions were real, and she felt lower than she had ever thought possible, she realized how cliché that would be- to fall apart in the front lawn, sobbing your eyes out, getting soaked in a rainstorm. It sounded like something from a bad movie, and it was hard wired into Hayley's personality to avoid clichés, no matter what the situation.    Not wanting to be the pathetic girl in the beginning of a cheap, angsty horror flick, she swallowed hard and pushed herself up off the previously parched, now nearly muddy ground. Her entire body shaking violently still, she slowly made her way to the door, fumbling with her keys for a few seconds more than what would've been acceptable, had someone been watching. “Oh god,” she thought with a sudden rush of terror, “I hope no one was watching.” At this point she felt more embarrassed than anything, most of her prior physical ailments having left her, all except for a few renegade tears still trailing down her cheek.

Stumbling and sniffling, an exhausted Hayley wove through her cluttered house, not caring enough to make it to the bedroom. She collapsed onto the couch, shrugging under a striped knit blanket her mum had given her years ago. The singer closed her heavy eyes and began to slip into sleep within a short minute, her last conscious thoughts tired and defeated. She was a mess, certainly. But at least she wasn't a pathetic cliché movie chick. At least she had her dignity. Sort of.

The next morning came slowly, with Hayley drifting in and out of consciousness, her mind wandering the gray area between her dreams and a cold reality. A series of knocks went unnoticed at her front door. Still sedated with pure exhaustion, the redhead shifted, nestling her face into the crook of the throw pillow she had locked in her arms. She refused to be woken from her peaceful slumber.

Outside in the still afternoon air, Taylor sighed. He tried the door, jiggling the knob, only to be greeted by the bitter click of the lock denying his entry. Stepping off of the cheerful welcome mat at his feet, he stooped over, lifting it and picking up the old key that lay underneath. He felt so uncomfortable just walking into Hayley's house, but she'd told him time and time again that it was okay.