Invictus

Chapter 4:Blood

I was given after school detention the following day and a fine for the damages. The next few hours till school let out were spent in a soul numbing daze. My muscles felt like melted wax, the voices around me ghostly and indiscernible as my body floated about till school ended.

Till I ended.

After the final bell rang, I walked to the pharmacy down the street before I headed home and made my purchase.

The threatening note left in my locker and Donnie's invite to the city made me believe I was on the up; my desire to live returning after both. Turned out, I was only scaling a mountain just to be flung off it.

When I got back to the apartment Tia texted me to let me know she'd be back late. It didn't matter if I responded or not, so I didn't.

Again, I had no appetite. All I saw was the face of that kid, the looks on the students in that hall replaying in my mind over and over again.

I debated for a solid thirty minutes whether I should or follow through with my plan. There were people after all that would care if I was gone, Donnie, his parents, even Tia despite our awkward relationship would be mortified if I did this. But caring wasn't enough, the bad in my life far outweighed the good.

I manned up and took the package from the pharmacy with me as I headed to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I filled the tub with cold water and got inside. I figured it would hurt less that way. Then I opened the box of razor blades and brought one of the thin pieces of metal to my skin. My hands shook as I waited.

What would happen on the other side? Where would I go when I died? I had thought all these things before after the game too, but it was worse today. I wrestled for a few minutes with what I'd heard in the past: you disappeared, you went to Heaven, you went to Hell.

Finally, I decided that I didn't care because wherever I was going had to be better than this.

I started.

The way the blood continued to flow made it seem unending as it dripped from my hands. Just like after I hit that kid on the field.

The pain was terrible, but it dulled some once I submerged the cut and then switched to the other arm. When I was finished I sank myself deep beneath the cold crimson water. My eyes became heavy and my body began to feel weightless.

I was so close.

Bright dots of swirling colors appeared in front of me as I positioned my face close to the water preparing to black out. If the bleeding didn't kill me, I made sure that the water would.

I'm not sure if it was minutes or hours later, but I woke from the suffocating weight of iron tasting water filling my mouth, lungs and nose. I hacked and coughed as I my face crashed through the ocean of red all around me.

The first decent breath of air I took reminded me of how much of a failure I was. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't even kill myself.

Why was I still alive?

I sat there for a few minutes and looked at my wrists. The cuts were still open and throbbing wildly, but no blood was pouring out of them. That didn't seem right to me, however, I was too stunned by the fact that I was alive to put any more real thought into it.

I headed to the medicine cabinet and found the medical tape that Tia kept in there, wrapping my wrist with the beige bandages. I then headed back to the bathroom and drained the tub, rinsing away whatever blood stains remained.

The blood loss had left me woozy, so I crashed out on my bed and drew the blinds.

A text from Donnie came in before I managed to drift off. It showed him and a pretty brown haired girl smiling next to each other with a caption on it that said "hitting this tonight."

I threw the phone across the room and buried my face in my pillow as I played through what I thought was the worst day of my life. Boy, was I wrong. The worst day of my life, that would come the following day. That was when she showed up, the girl who set much of the events of this story in motion.

I wish I'd known she was headed my way because if I had, I'd never have shown up for school. I'd have taken advantage of my head start, and ran.