Crumbling Hearts and Shattered Minds

Chapter 15: The One Place You Can't Escape

Damon POV

It feels like I'm on fire again.

It feels like I've been thrown into the daylight without my ring.

It feels exactly like it did before.

The bite was back.

And this time my brother didn't have anything that klaus wants.

This time he has nothing to make a deal with.

The pain is there, very well making its presence known. But I didn't show it. I didn't let Stefan see the agony that courses it's way through my veins.

"What? Can't handle a little pain? I mean, this is what you deserve. This is exactly what you've always deserved. Suffering, agony, pain, this is what you deserve. You don't deserve to be saved. And deep down, you don't want to be saved." Giuseppe sneered out each word while pacing back and forth in front of me like a animal cornering its prey.

But the catch is the prey couldn't get away even if it tried.

Stefan was in the other room with Bonnie and everyone else.

Leaving me alone with the man that wanted me to feel nothing but pain.

"It's true isn't it? I mean you heard them. The reason you're body is going backwards is because you don't want to live. You don't deserve to live and you know it very well, don't you? You've always known. I mean, isn't that why you stood on Wickery bridge? Isn't that why you wanted to end it all when you were only 15? You hated yourself back then too." My throat was dry and the early signs of a panic attack started to set into my nerves.

It was like electricity in the air before a storm.

I couldn't talk or call out for my brother so I turned my head away and tried to block out Giuseppe's voice.

It's never worked before, I didn't know why I thought it would work now.

"But you didn't end it on the bridge. You were to much of a coward. You couldn't do it. You were too weak. But have you ever thought of this; if you had jumped, Stefan would have lived a long happy life, he would have fallen in love and married and had a family. He would have gotten the family business and would have moved on from the death of his cowardly older brother. You see, everyone would have moved on, everyone would be happy. You weren't needed, you aren't needed. Not back in 1864 and not now. Face it Damon, everything I've said in the past few days is true." He stopped pacing and faced me.

Of course I had thought of that. Every damn day since I stood on that bridge, ready to jump.

I felt sweat roll down my face and fear tugged in my gut.

Giuseppe bore holes into me and I couldn't move.

"And you know it don't you?" He started pacing the length of the room again and I unfroze.

I dropped my head onto the pillow and gulped in as much air as my lungs could handle.

Warm tears started rolling down my face and I hated myself with all of my being at this moment.

Maybe not only this moment.

Maybe Giuseppe is right, maybe I have always hated myself.

I looked back to where Giuseppe was, but saw no one.

Real or not real.

Tears were now streaming down my face and I wanted to curl up on myself and disappear.

I let out what could only be described as a whimper. As soon as the sound escaped my throat, Stefan was by my side.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. What's wrong? Is it Giuseppe?" He asked while sitting me up and holding me against his chest.

I nodded furiously into his chest and knotted my hands in his shirt and resting my head on his chest.

"Shhh. It'll be fine. Bonnie found something. We're going to help you, Damon. We're gonna save you. I promise. And one thing you taught me was how to keep my promises" he said while rubbing circles into my back.

I didn't reply, I simply held onto him tighter.

The pain in my arm be damned.

I needed Stefan right now more than anything.

I needed my brother.

For the first time, I was glad Stefan had made me turn.

I was glad that he didn't want me to die.

I understood now, why he did it.

He did it because no matter how badly he or I fuck up, we always need each other to pull ourselves through.

And I knew one thing; I will keep fighting until Stefan doesn't want me to fight anymore.

Because, honestly, he's all I got.

And once he leaves me, like everyone else, I'll have no purpose.

No reason.

Nothing keep me here.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and lifted so I could see my little brother. He looked concerned and anxious.

"We found something. A spell. But it'll require you to be at full strength. It'll also involve someone going into your mind but we need to take this one step at a time." Stefan said partially to himself.

"How are we going to get me to full strength? I don't think Klaus will be so giving as to just hand over the cure." I said skeptically.

His eyebrows knitted together and he sighed.

"We'll find a way. We have to." He said in a tone that could only be described as determined.

I nodded.

Though doubt flooded my thoughts and a hopeless feeling washed over my entire being.

But I didn't show it. I scrubbed my sleeve under my eyes and tried to look optimistic for my brothers sake.

"Well, who is gonna go into my mind?" I asked, trying to divert the topic.

Stefan gave me a look as though he could see right through my diversion. He most likely could. But he still answered.

"I am." He said simply.

I stared at him.

Stefan was going to be in my mind.

The place that has successfully driven me mad and caused me physical harm. The one place that truly terrified me. The one place I couldn't escape.

Stefan looked as though he knew I was going to protest and made his most persistent face.

I sighed and didn't even try to talk him out of it.

I nodded reluctantly and Stefan grinned.

"I'm gonna go get us some blood." He sad before patting my knee and hoisting himself off the couch.

I sighed and one thing ran through my head; I would never let anything happen to Stefan!