Burn Bright ×Maxian×

2

[Song: All We Know by The Chainsmokers, covered by Our Last Night and Andie Case]

I stood inside the tiny changing room of Goodwill and tried on various different clothes. Ian was waiting for me to finish on the other side of the door. I remember when I was younger how Ian would come in the room with me and help me change. I felt safer with him in the room but I know we won't both fit comfortably anymore.

Ian gives the door a gentle tap, "you almost done Max?"

I look at the outfit I have one last time and decide it, along with a few others should be good enough.

"I just need to change back to my other clothes," I tell him. Part of me wishes to tell him to come in and undress me but I decide against it, he'd probably find it to be an odd request.

I change back to my old clothes and come out of the room. I give Ian the clothes that I want and put the ones that I don't on the rack while Ian makes his way to the counter.

I rejoin Ian just as the final item is being wrung up. The final price makes me cringe and feel guilty. We don't have a lot of money to just throw around and this was a little more than I hoped it would be. Ian paid it no mind and handed the cashier the amount of bills it required to cover the cost. The cashier hands him the bag of clothes and we both walk out.

"Thank you, but you didn't have to spend all that money on me," I said once we were outside.

"It's fine Max, you needed it," Ian smiled kindly, handing me the bag.

I took it and looked down. "I know, it's just the money could've gone towards something more important."

Ian held my chin and made me look at him. It's crazy how just a few short years ago, I was only up to his waist but now we can look at each other eye to eye effortlessly.

"You are important," Ian told me. "You're the most important thing in my life."

A smile crept onto my face, along with a heated feeling on my cheeks. "You're the most important thing in my life. I love you Ian."

"I love you too," Ian said. He released his hold on my face and messed up my hair. "Now how about we go get something to eat and then?"

"Okay," I nodded.

××××

After spending most of the day at different stores, we went back home to gather our supplies for another fire. We don't do them every night but I could tell Ian was itching to do another.

Fire is like a drug to Ian. He's addicted and can't stop. He experiences a euphoric feeling every time the glow of the fire warms his skin. When he stops, he gets withdraws. I can tell when he wants to set a fire even before he can. He'll start to bite his lip and rip little bits of the skin off without noticing, then his hands will shake and he'll start cracking his knuckles. His body wants the fire just as badly as his mind. I'll usually bring it up to him when I see him start, he always agrees once I bring it up.

And here we were again, inside an old warehouse, Ian holding a gas can and me holding a box of matches. He did his pattern and came to my feet.

"Light it up, Max," Ian commanded.

"What's the pattern?" I ask out of nowhere.

"What are you talking about?" Ian was clearly annoyed by me not listening to him. "Light the match, Max."

"Can't you just tell me first?" I asked. Ian didn't respond, wanting to to just do what I was told. "I just wanna kno-"

"Who's there?" A deep voice called out from the darkness.

Ian viciously grabbed the box of matches from my hands, causing many of them to fall on the ground, before striking one again the box and throwing it to the ground. He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the building.

I looked back at the building as it caught fire and thought of the person that was inside. I can't believe Ian would just leave the person to burn in there.

We stopped in an alleyway and Ian pushed me against the wall. "Why the fuck didn't you listen to me?"

"You left that person in there to die," my voice came out quietly, fearfully. I wanted to cry but I knew it wouldn't do anything.

"Answer my question, Max!" Ian yelled.

"I just wanted to know," I said quietly.

"Next time follow my directions," he ordered.

"You left that person." I looked at Ian with tears in my eyes. Never in my life has he been so harsh.

"People die, Max. Get over it." He rolled his eyes and let me go.

"You killed that person, Ian," I cried.

"It's all part of the business," Ian huffed. "It's not the first time. Accidents happen, Max. You've probably helped kill a few people before."

I felt sick. Everything I knew just crumbled around me. I thought I was doing something harmless but I was really doing horrible things. It's all I know but I don't want to do it anymore, not if I'm hurting people.

"Let's go home," Ian said. I hated how calm he was. How could he live like this, knowing he was hurting people.

Regardless, I went home with him. I didn't sit on the couch with him, instead choosing to go straight to bed. I couldn't sleep though. I stared at the ceiling in the dark as my mind ran rampant with guilty thoughts of what we've made our lives doing.

If Ian kept such a large detail hidden from me, then what else has he kept from me?