Don't Break Me

Chapter 25

Justin's POV:

Jason exited my room allowing me get changed from my shower. I quickly went back into the bathroom to dress my cuts. After I had cleaned them and wrapped gauze over them I went back into my room and into the wardrobe. I changed into some red track-pants, a white shirt and a grey hoodie overtop. I opened my door to see Jason with his back turned facing the staircase. I tapped him on the shoulder lightly for him to immediately jerk his head to face me.

"Do you uh ... mind if we talk in your room?" He asked somewhat hesitantly.

I nodded my head and stood to the side of the door, motioning for him to enter my room. I don't know why he is here. It was only a few hours that he took the minimal ounces of trust I started to form with him and tore them away from me. I mean, I kind of thought that he was slowly changing, but obviously I was just being stupid, as always. Maybe I deserved this though, like, when I think about it, I am the one who thought he might change his ways. I am the one who agreed to stay at his house. Actually, everything is always my fault anyway. But what did he mean when he said he was too late and that he is 'sorry'. Well he is definitely too late to say sorry now.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Jason calling my name in raspy voice. I shook my head as if I were actually shaking my thoughts and made eye contact with Jason. He sent me a smile but also looked a little nervous. And that is a look that I have never seen from Jason McCann. Usually he is radiating fear onto others, but now he stands in front of me looking like he if having an internal conflict. I sat down on the left side of my bed and began to twiddle with my fingers. Jason moved closer to me and dropped into a crouch.

"Do you mind if I sit next to you?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders and pouted my lips out. I continued to look down to the ground and play with my fingers. I felt the bed bounce as Jason sat down next to him. I couldn't see him, but I felt his eyes trained onto me. Nothing was being said, all that could be heard in the room was the light breathing between the two of us. I still felt light pain in my arm from the cuts that I had just. With each pulse beat, I felt the blood try to escapes my body. I sighed as I pondered on my own thoughts waiting for Jason to break the silence.

Jason's POV:

I was sat next to Justin trying to figure out how and what to say to him. The more I have thought about my actions today, the more I am realizing there isn't really an excuse for them. I don't actually know why I had to do it. I look up to Justin and see him looking down to the ground. He was pouting his lips and it was honestly so adorable to look out. I moved my right arm out to rub his back softly. I cleared my throat trying to get his attention, but he continued to look down.

"Justin?" I asked softly. He raised his eyebrows but continued to look away from me.

"Mmmm?" He mumbled lazily.

"I know that you probably already have your mind made up about me, and that you probably don't really care what I have to say right now," I started preparing to convince him that I was honestly sorry about today. I saw him nod his head out of the corner of my eye making me believe that he did have his mind up. "But will you please just listen to what I have to say?" I finished hopeful that he would reply. He simply nodded his head and continued to look away from me. I sighed deeply but continued on talking.

"Look Justin. Uh I don't really know how to explain my actions. I guess I just kind of had to... you know?" He raised both eyebrows high at this statement. "I know that sounds stupid. Um. Let me just start by saying I am sorry. I know that I wanted to try to be different around you, and I still do. It's just uh. My friends. They have been with me through high and lows. Um. They made me do it. I didn't want to. I tried to avoid the topic of you, but they persisted." I paused realizing that I really don't have a valid reason or point with what I have said. I am just rambling on about anything to try and find an excuse.

"Okay I admit it. I hurt you. I am the reason that you have bruises covering your body. I am the reason that you have bleed almost daily. I am the reason that you are in pain a lot of the time. But really I don't mean to make you feel that way. Uh. I guess I thought that you weren't actually hurt as bad as you actually are. Then I saw you Justin. Not at school but I properly saw you. I realized that you are broken more than I thought." I paused again rubbing the back of my neck. I sighed again and looked down at my hands. I felt extremely guilty right now. "Justin lately I have had this feeling about you. Um I can't really explain it. I am having trouble understanding it. When you stayed over at mine last night and we talked and slept in the same bed... I really liked that. I mean it. And when you persisted that we go to school and freaked out over being late, that... That was adorable. Uh." I paused yet again feeling as though this talk was going nowhere. I looked over to Justin only to see him looking straight back to me. His expression changed and he looked conflicted, like he was actually interested in what I was saying.

"Justin when my friends pointed you out at lunch, please..." I grabbed his hands into mine and intertwined our fingers together. I looked him dead in the eyes so that he knew what I was about to say was the honest truth. "Trust me when I say that it was not my idea, nor did I want to participate in it. I followed them like a mindless sheep and right now I feel terrible because of that. The only reason I guess I hurt you in front of them was because I didn't want to them to think any different of me." I took a breath and broke the gaze I had with Justin. I looked to the ceiling and just stared in one spot. "It's hard to be me Justin. Everyone thinks I am this heartless monster and that I must be like that the time. But I do have feelings. And I have no family or friends outside of school. It's just me. I am a loner so I want to do everything I can to keep my friends at school. You know?" I looked back down to Justin to see him looking down to the ground again and playing with his fingers. His face was back to a pout and raised eyebrows.

"Did I say something wrong Justin?" I asked placing a hand on his arm. I saw him winced in pain and pull his arm away from me. "Fuck I am so sorry I forgot that you just... uh," I stopped not wanting to say the words.

"I t-think y-you s-should g-go J-Jason," he stuttered. He lifted his good arm up and pointed to the door. Obviously he wasn't interested in what I had to say. I stood to my feet and began to walk to the door. I turned to look back to him and look him in the eyes.

"I am sorry." Is all I said before continuing to leave.

"I-it's t-too l-late f-for t-that," I heard Justin mumbled.

And with that I made way down the stairs and out of his house. I hopped into my car and sped off feeling annoyed at myself for what I had done.

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