Under The Covers {joshler}

junior year - part seven

Josh didn't show up to school on Monday, and Tyler was silently relieved, he wasn't sure if he could deal with facing him again. He'd tried calling and texting Josh constantly begging for just a chance to talk it out.

His friends noticed he wasn't okay but he brushed off any suggestion that they were there for him to talk to. Jenna swapped roles with him, being the one to guide him through the school day, making sure he ate something and actually went to practice at the end of the day. He was grateful for it, he'd lost any energy to motivate himself. Josh had left his house and he'd ripped out Tyler's heart with it and left a gaping wound that Tyler just left to bleed out.

Josh didn't show up on Tuesday or Wednesday either. Wednesday lunchtime was when things came to breaking point though. Brendon stopped Tyler as he entered the cafeteria.

Before anyone could stop him, Brendon punched Tyler in the face, knocking him to the floor.

"That's for being an asshole and breaking my best friends heart." He spat before letting Sarah and Colin drag him off.

Tyler almost laughed as he lay on the floor, face pounding, blood falling from his nose. The pain felt oddly comforting, like he was feeling something for the first time.

He almost didn't notice Hayley reach down to help him up.

"What, you gonna have a go too?" He said pressing his sleeve to his nose to catch the blood. Hayley shook her head.

"He shouldn't have done that." She said. Tyler stared bemused. "I had you wrong Joseph, I'm sorry I slapped you that time in freshman year, you didn't deserve it. You don't deserve that either." She motioned to his potentially broken nose. She began pulling Tyler out of the cafeteria and away from where people were trying to calm Brendon down.

He realised then that Hayley was escorting him to the nurse. "Why are you being nice to me? He's right, I broke Josh's heart..." He winced at the words.

"Maybe, but Josh definitely broke yours too." Hayley replied not looking up at him.

"He misses you, he's a mess without you."  She added as she gestured for him to enter the nurse's office.

"I miss him too." Tyler said sadly before leaving her.

The nurse nearly had a heart attack at the sight of Tyler and he knew his father was definitely going to have him explain who did it. So he wasn't surprised when he passed Brendon when he was called into his father's office.

He sat down, flinching at the look of horror on his father's face at the sight of his bruised and swollen nose. There was an awkward silence for a while, Tyler looking anywhere but at his father.

"Tell me what happened, son." His father's voice was gentle, how he spoke at home to his sister not at school to his students, that was usually far more authoritative.

"Nothing." Tyler shrugged. "You know what happened." He mumbled and his father nodded.

"I know, I just want to hear it from you." He pressed and Tyler rolled his eyes.

"Brendon punched me, happy?" He gave a snarky smile but it hurt his nose and he whimpered.

There was another awkward silence while his father gave him an unreadable look.

"Tyler, I'm talking to you as your father and not your principle here... did you get hit because of- because you are-" He shifted uncomfortably as though working a way around just explicitly saying it, a look in his eye suggesting he feared Tyler's reaction. "Was it because you are interested in boys?"

"WH- H- I-" Words failed Tyler. Everything crashing around him like a stormy sea on the rocks. "Where did you even get that idea I-"

"Tyler, I'm your father give me some credit, not to mention you're always absent from class at the same time as Josh and I know he's your best friend but you look at him like i looked at your mother when we were that age."

Tyler wanted to die, he wanted to burrow his whole body into a hole in the ground and curl up and wait for death's sweet embrace, this was not happening. His nose throbbed as a painful reminder that yes, this was very much real and happening right now.

"Tyler, I want you to know that it's perfectly okay, I've noticed that this school hasn't been a safe place for gay kids and I've been working on trying to change that, there's a zero tolerance for homophobia or bullying of any kind now. The staff are all briefed on it. I'm sorry i wasn't there for you but i love you, you're my son i always will, same goes to any of your siblings."

And just like that the dam burst and Tyler couldn't stop violently shaking and crying, like a massive weight had been lifted off his chest only to reveal it was a plug keeping all his tears and emotions in and now they were just openly gushing like a wound onto the floor of his father's office.

He felt warm hands wrap around his small frame and he was pulled into his father's chest. "I was so s-scared." He sobbed out and his father only clung to him harder.

"It's okay, it's okay." His father soothed. They stayed like that until Tyler had calmed down enough to go back to class. 

"I lost him dad." Tyler sobbed into his father's shoulder.

"What happened?" His father said, trying not to get emotional at seeing his son so broken.

"I love Josh, I love him so much but I-I was so scared." The words came out in sobbed hiccups but his father heard him.

"Oh, Tyler." Was all his father could say as Tyler continued to wail, finally letting out all the emotion he'd shut out when Josh had walked out his house.

"H-He left me, b-because he deserved someone w-who wasn't scared to be with him inf-front of people." Tyler couldn't stop crying no matter how desperately he gulped in air to calm himself.

Eventually his father was able to stop the flow of tears, with calming words, just like he used to when Tyler was five and he fell off his bike.

"I know Josh and that boy is the nicest kid I ever met that I didn't have a hand in making. He will forgive you, if he loves you, it won't matter." His father promised and Tyler nodded shakily.

"Why don't you go home early Tyler, you're exhausted, I'll bring Zack home and we can talk to your mother together okay? You're my child Tyler, I will always love you. It's going to be okay, I'm your father, you have to listen to me." He smiled and Tyler let out a small chuckle at the last bit nodding.

"Thanks." He said weakly, gingerly blowing his nose on the tissue his father offered to him.

He scurried out the office, quick to get out of school before people could see him. He was stopped however by Brendon who was sat with Sarah and Hayley, talking angrily about something.

"Tyler I-" He faltered when he saw the mess that was Tyler's face. Tyler flinched, expecting another swing. When he didn't Tyler didn't wait around to give him chance. He pushed past him and practically ran to his car.

Tyler's mother cried when Tyler came out. But because she wasn't sure how to process the information. She promised Tyler that she loved him before silently walking out of the living room. He heard her crying in the other room, and again at bedtime in her bedroom. His father assured him that she'd come around but Tyler felt dread in his chest as a voice told him this was exactly why he should've kept it a secret.

He cried himself to sleep, nose resting on a makeshift icepack of frozen peas in a towel.