Under The Covers {joshler}

junior year - part eight

Josh was back in school the next day. He looked like he hadn't slept in a month and he didn't talk to anyone other than Ashley, on account of being mad at Brendon and Hayley for Tyler-related reasons. Mad that Brendon punched him, slightly less mad that Hayley had told Tyler that Josh missed him.

Tyler did a pretty good job of giving him space and Josh was thankful.

The pain wasn't any less after two weeks but at this point he was able to sit at the same lunch table without wanting to burst into tears. Besides he'd gotten pretty good at pretending with these people.

Tyler couldn't take the separation much either, he just wanted to talk to Josh but any time he tried Josh found an excuse to leave.

He spoke to Ashley and Hayley, who explained what Josh was feeling and Tyler assured them he was wrong. His chest ached, how could Josh actually think that of him, think so little of himself. He just wanted Josh to understand how loved he was.

After the third week of being apart Tyler couldn't take it anymore. If Josh wouldn't talk to him, then he had nothing to lose.

As soon as Tyler saw Josh sat at the usual lunch table he stopped. He climbed up onto the nearest table, careful not to step on any of the lunch trays of the kids' sat there. He cleared his throat loudly.

"Hey!" He shouted and everyone in the room fell silent looking at the basketball captain. His friends gave him confused glances.

Josh made eye contact with him and immediately looked down at his tray.

"I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm gay. And that I'm in love with Josh Dun. Right now i don't think he loves me because i kinda screwed up, but, I love you Josh so there." 

Mark and Michael whooped while Nick gave a "Called it!" as others in the cafeteria began clapping and cheering. Tyler smiled, taking a big sigh of relief before getting down off the table.

Tyler approached the lunch table, all of his friends clapping him on the back saying well done and telling him he was an idiot for being scared to tell them.

Jenna smiled knowingly at Ashley and suddenly it turned into a fight where the boys whined about why the girls got to know when they didn't. More importantly Mark was mad at Jenna for letting him bet against Tyler having a crush on Josh, now he owed Michael $10.

Josh stayed eerily quiet the whole time and Tyler seemed to be the only one to notice.

Tyler watched the blank expression on Josh's face and realised that Josh might actually have moved on, that he'd waited too long.

"You don't love me anymore." He said without meaning to say it out loud. Everyone stopped joking around to watch the two stare at each other.

Josh went to say something but hesitated and Tyler didn't give him a chance to continue. He got up and walked out. He couldn't bear the thought of hearing him confirm Tyler's fears.

Tyler found himself on the rooftop, gasping for breath. His whole world crashing around him.

He almost didn't hear the door open behind him with a soft click.

He turned to see Josh, concerned.

Silently Josh stood beside him, looking out at the sky.

"It's not that i don't love you." Josh finally said and Tyler thought he was about to collapse with the overwhelming emotion in his chest.

"I just think we need time apart. It wasn't healthy for me and until i can sort myself out, i can't go through that again. i need time." Josh said carefully, refusing to look at Tyler.

"Did you just... "it's not you it's me" me?" Tyler tried to joke and Josh looked panicked before realising he was smirking. Josh shoved him playfully laughing a little.

Tyler nodded sadly, "I miss you."

"I miss you too but all I can offer you right now is friendship."

"I'll take whatever you can give me, I can't lose you again, I can't do it." Tyler pleaded.

"Okay." Josh said and Tyler's heart skipped. He gave Josh a questioning look. "We can still be friends" he hesitated. "Best friends." He added with a smile.

Tyler yanked him into a hug, overwhelmed at being able to hold him again.

The pair smiled warmly at one another as they pulled apart, staring.

"Oh my gosh, Tyler." Josh gasped, hand flying to his hair. "You just came out to the whole school," Josh let out an incredulous laugh, covering his mouth. His eyes widened with shock. "What about your parents, you-"

"Josh it's okay, I came out to them last week. They uh, guessed." Tyler rubbed the back of his neck blushing.

Josh pulled him into another hug. "I'm so proud of you!"

The hug lingered, both them too familiar with holding one another to break it. "Best friends hug, right?" Tyler teased, and Josh laughed.

"Oh totally." He replied as he pulled away, "they also have super-secret handshakes too." Josh grinned, pressing his tongue between his teeth.

Tyler mirrored it and held his hands out, ready to perform the handshake they'd made up over the summer.

When they finished, they heard the bell in the distance, and they began heading to class. It was all going to be okay.