The Avenger Class Servant (A Fate/Stay Night/Avengers crossover)

Shirou's Apprentice

Deadpool: Hi, everybody!  Welcome to The Avenger Class Servant.  I heard about this fic from a friend of mine and decided to see it for myself.

(I am slowly bleeding out on the floor)

Deadpool: Don't mind him.  I just stabbed him with a sword.  Those wands are taking care of him.

Deadpool: Disclaimer:  The following stuff belongs to Deadpool.  Everything belongs to Deadpool.  Give me all your money.

Like every morning, Shirou was walking towards his cafe to check up on his Servants and making sure they don't kill anyone.  However, he passed what used to be an old building.  The place must have caught fire, because almost nothing was left.

"Ugh," a groan came from the rubble.  Shirou went to check it out.

The magus dug through the debris and found a man underneath.  Or at least what he thought was a man.  He was covered in tumors, naked, and had metal spikes stabbed in him.  What surprised Shirou the most was that he was still alive.  With all that blood loss, Shirou was amazed at the rate of the man's healing factor.  It was on level with the healing factor provided by Avalon.

"Are you okay?" Shirou said, helping him up and throwing a projected blanket over him.

"I was just stabbed and left to burn alive, what do you think?" the man said.  "Also, have you seen me?  I'm a monster!"

Annoyed, Shirou's eye began twitching.  Sighing, he decided to just help the man for now.

"Here, let me bring you back to my apartment and get you fixed up."

Scene Break

Shirou and the man were in his apartment.  After calming him down from the surprise of the finding a large Japanese mansion fitting inside a small studio apartment, Shirou discovered that the man was named Wade Wilson, an ex-soldier who had signed up with an experimental treatment after discovering he had a large amount of tumors.  Really, Shirou was completely shocked on how cancerous tumors that he had.  Thirty four.  It was ridiculous.

Anyways, the experimental treatments was actually an evil organization which tortured him in the attempt to activate a dormant mutant gene.  Mutants were beings with a special gene called the X-gene, which manifests as unusual powers or physical changes.  Wade's gene gave him the power of extreme regeneration but at the cost of his appearance.  Luckily, Wade said that the guy who ran the facility, Francis, AKA Ajax, revealed that he could reverse his transformation.

"So all I need to do is to find the bastard, torture him, get my face back, go back to my girlfriend, and have make up sex," Wade said, happily.  Shirou was slightly unnerved by how easily Wade said it.  Then again, Shirou himself had a dark, bloody, and sex filled past.

"You have a sex filled past?" Wade asked.

Shirou blinked.  "How the hell do you know that?"

"It's what that guy said."

"What guy?"

"That guy.  You know, the word guy.  I don't know," Wade said, putting his head down on the table.  "I think I'm going insane."

"Ooh, ooh, Shirou," Ruby said, flying down.  "I think I know what's going on."

"Is that a Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha prop?" Wade asked, curious and excited.

"You watch magical girl stuff?" Shirou inquired.  "Never mind.  Ruby, what's going on?"

Ruby twirled around.  "Isn't it obvious.  Whatever the X gene did, it gave Wade to see past certain dimensions while also providing the healing factor."