Larry Fluff

I lied

Louis' POV

It hurts, a whole lot. That pain gnawing away at my insides while all I'm ever able to think about is being better. Being skinny. All my life I'd been told perfection is unattainable, but that is a lie. It is very attainable. It's almost like everyone is perfect except for me. Looking around and seeing my friends and family thin and beautiful pains me to the maximum.

Thinking back to the start of my life to now, makes me feel guilty. How could I let myself get this way? How could I let myself become so fat? It's all my fault and it's all I'm able to think about when the blood drips down my wrists and a burning sensation runs through my arm.

Everytime I step on a scale I want to go throw myself down a pair of stairs and slowly suffer the pain I deserve until the blood is no longer flowing through my body, stuck in the place my heart left them at when it decided to stop pumping. Yet I still stay in this cruel world because somehow even through all the pain, there's always that one part of my life that causes me the greatest yet the least pain.

I don't want to cause the love of my life agony. He's my beautiful protector, who tries to shield me from the world. Except he doesn't know the world slipped right through his fingers and hit me hard in the face. He doesn't know the worst possible pain that exists lies within me. How could he know, if everytime they asked me what was wrong I would lie and plaster on the most fake smile I could muster? I'd never thought I'd become this way, but here I am a breathing nothing.

It is surprising how addicted someone may become to their own weight. I became so obsessed I started to weigh myself every hour. Maybe one less hour of eating would be 0.2 pounds less. So then at the end of a day I would have lost 4.8 pounds making me all the more lighter. Yet even after some of it goes away, when I look in the mirror I still see my large tummy, giant thighs, and huge arms.

When looking at the mirror the voices begin to surround me telling me all the things I already know.

You're never going to be good enough.

You will never be skinny

How could someone ever love you?

And that last bit is true. I love Harry with all my heart, but I'm not sure he loves me back. I don't blame him though, he's beautiful and I am just not. As I glance up from where I sit, in which I was glaring at my food, Harry gets up from his place in the dining table and gets up walking to the door.

Harry runs a hand through his curls and says, "Follow me." and I do just that. I would do anything Harry told me to because I just love him so much. I follow him into our bedroom and watch him sit down, the mattress going down from the applied weight. "Something's wrong with you but you don't want to tell me." Those words right there caused me to get crumpled because of the truth. He was right but hearing him say it out loud made the pain all the more real. So, I did what every other person does when they've been strong for far too long. I cried.

It wasn't one of those soft small cries, no. It was a full on ugly mess. One of those cries in which you sob and get choked up on your tears, where your face gets completely red and you can't stand so you just throw yourself on the ground and finally let some of the pain roll away from your body.

Harry sprung off the bed and ran towards me wrapping his long arms around me. He kissed my forehead and I continued to cry, because it felt good. I'd been holding in these tears for way too long. Sobs escaped my body and I didn't even bother to stop them, no matter how ugly they sounded. Harry hugged me tighter and started to try and shush me. After a couple of minutes I quieted down and hugged Harry back. In his arms I felt safe and at home and the slightest bit happy, something I don't usually feel unless I'm with him.

"Are you done crying, love?" Harry asked, with his deep voice and all. I sniffled and nodded a little. Harry sat himself on the cold wooden ground his back against a wall, and he pulled me onto his lap. Although, I wanted to get off him in fear I would squish him, but I stayed put because I was too weak to attempt anything. "Baby what's wrong?"

I looked up and stared deeply into his beautiful green eyes and debated in my head on whether or not I should say what's been going on. I decide on yes I should, maybe telling someone will help. Who better to tell than the man I love? I sighed and looked down playing with my hands. "Harry I-I've been depressed."

Harry bit his lip harshly and looked up to ceiling as if he heard the worst news in his life. "About what exactly?" I laughed softly because there are a million different things I could say as a response but I went with the most blunt one.

"I'm so fat. I don't mean like a couple pounds overweight I mean extremely fat. I'm tired of being the fattest out of the whole band and having to buy bigger jeans than all of you. I'm so sick of being this ugly with the acne spread out around my face. I hate looking like this. I hate that I'm the most unattractive person ever. Harry, I hate myself so so much."

And Harry looked up at me and he cried while I did too. He shook his head and kissed me on my nose while hugging me again.

"You've got it all wrong darling. You are absolutely beautiful. Maybe you don't believe me now but I will help you so you do believe it. Although, I don't think you quite get it. I fell in love with you because of the beauty of your soul not your looks. Baby your are the best person out there and to me the most important. I love you so much, so please smile for me and never stop doing it again." Harry stated pecking my lips. I smile a little and look down trying to hide the blush on my cheeks.

"I love you so much more." I whispered and Harry rolled his eyes because we always have a fight on who loves who more. I hugged him and I didn't plan on letting go. And yeah maybe I didn't tell him until later that I hurt myself but when I did he tried to help me even more.

But he didn't know that since his love was real that was all I needed to stop all of the self hate. What people say is true. Love blinds you and changes the way you think, in this situation though it was for better.