Red Love

Chapter 15

"You need to talk to him about Max,"

For godsake! How many times had I heard that statement this week from Lexa and Jay?!

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped.

Lexa sighed heavily and stared out of my window. "Then why haven't you done it yet?"

Why hadn't I done it yet? Because I'm a wimp, that's why. It had been two weeks since I'd kissed Jordan and no words had been exchanged between us since. I had said that I had needed time to think but all I had been doing was making myself more and more agitated with the thoughts that had been running through my brain.

"I don't know! Maybe because I can't stand the fact that I have to think about him again!" The more Lexa asked me questions on him, the more I wanted to scream at her.

"Would you just wake up from your little parallel dreamland a minute, Bea?! Nothing is perfect in this world, including the thought of Max-"

"Don't say his name," I grumbled.

"I'll bloody well say his name if it will get the message into your head! Why won't you talk to Jordan about him? Hell, why won't you talk to any of us about him? You've hardly spoken to anyone these past few weeks! Seriously, what is wrong with you?" Lexa retorted and I stormed into the living room.

"Running away from the problem won't help either!" she followed me whilst I went and sat on the window sill.

I could feel tears pricking my eyes now as I tried to turn my back to Lexa.

I just hated the thought of having Max on my mind. It was unbelievably hard to just speak about him to anyone. It brought back memories that were too tough to handle. And, I just couldn't bring myself to tell Jordan about him and all the years we had together.

I was scared that if I told Jordan all about Max, the same would happen in a couple of years, maybe even a couple of months, to myself and the Liverpool midfielder.

I didn't want  to lose Jordan, not now I was so close to his heart.

"I don't want to lose Jordan," I blurted out and promptly burst into tears.

"What?" Lexa said. She came and sat on the window sill with me and put her arm around my shoulder. "Why do you think you're going to lose him?"

"Because...because if I tell him what I had with Max...it might end up happening with me and him and...I don't want that. Not ever," I blubbed.

"Look Bea, what you have to realise is that what you had with Max is a whole different thing to what you're gonna have with Jordan. You know, that time in the changing room when you both exchanged looks with each other, there was more lust between you two than there ever was in the four years you had with Max," Lexa stated and she wiped my eyes. "Please don't take this the wrong way, Bea. I just think that if Max really and truly loved you like he said he did, he would have tried to make it work between the both of you."

I guess in some ways, Lexa was right. I had been with Max for four years and genuinely thought he was the love of my life, but as soon as I announced that I was going to move up to Liverpool, things changed. It's like, he got it into my head that we couldn't make a long distance relationship work so, by mutual agreement, we decided to split up. We kept in touch for a couple of weeks after that but in the end I had to stop the contact. It was killing me mentally to be friends with him. I'd got so used to being in a relationship with Max that anything less than that was just out of the question.

"I know. But...I don't want to get hurt again. Not by Jordan..."

"Bea, he's not going to hurt you! Not ever! Look at me," Lexa cupped my face and looked into my tear stricken eyes. "Believe me when I say this; Jordan is not Max. Jordan will not just leave you high and dry when he thinks things will get tough. He is way better than that! Listen Bea, forget Max. Now is your chance to banish the bad memories and make way for new wonderful ones. Jordan is yours if you just talk to him about this. Will you do that for me?"

I nodded and hugged Lexa. God, she was good!

"I'm sorry," I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and she chuckled, pulling out of the hug.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Bea. I should apologise for being so harsh with you earlier. I'm only using the tough love, babe," Lexa gave me a reassuring smile.

"I know...I'm such a stubborn bitch!"

"Oh, so you finally admit it then?"

We both burst into laughter at Lexa's comment. It was only when Dylan and Aaron walked through the door two minutes later that we actually calmed down!

"What have you guys been up to?" Aaron asked, slipping off his trainers. They'd both just got back from training.

"Just talking about, you know, girls stuff," Lexa winked at me and I smiled.

"How was training?" I asked.

"We trained with the first team today. It was great! " Aaron replied with a grin.

"Yeah! Gerrard says hi by the way," Dylan beamed and Lexa made a noise similar to a dying bird. "Are you okay, Bea? Have you been crying?"

Dylan and I had managed to have a civilised chat about everything the other day and things has been cleared up between us. He said he'd try and tone down on the overprotectiveness from now on but he only got like that because he didn't want to see me get hurt (cue the 'aww's!').

"It's nothing. We've just been watching...err, Titanic. It always makes me tear up that movie!" I tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help let out a giggle.

"Such a lame excuse," Lexa mumbled and I nudged her.

"OK?" Dylan raised an eyebrow at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. "Oh, Jordan Henderson was asking after you today. Wants to know if you're okay."

"R-really?" I stuttered. "Is he okay? What else did he say?"

"He didn't look good, did he, Az?" Dylan looked over at Aaron and my brother's best friend shook his head.

"Yeah, he asked whether he'd done something wrong and that he's sorry," Aaron said, earnestly.

I opened my mouth to say something but no words escaped. Oh god, what had I done? Why hadn't I spoken to him these past few weeks? My weakness had to get the better of me, didn't it? And why did he say that he's sorry?

I had to see him.

"I need to speak to him. Now," I leapt to my feet to drag myself towards the door but Lexa's words stopped me.

"What? Are you sure? Now?"

"Yes, now! I need to tell him how I feel!" Why was he sorry? What was he sorry for?

"Well...go then!" Lexa jumped up beside me.

"Wait. Did he tell you why he was sorry? Was there a reason for that?" I urged Dylan or Aaron.

Dylan shook his head as both boys stared at me, confused.

"Oh no. No, no, no! That could mean anything then!" I began to pace. "Is he sorry that he thought he did something wrong? Is he sorry for not contacting me? Does he think he made a wrong decision with me, is that why he said sorry?"

"No, it can't be that!" Lexa argued.

"I have to find out. I have to..." I trailed off as I ran into my room and grabbed my shoes.

"Wait! Hold up! I'm confused. What's going on?" Dylan interrupted.

"She needs to speak to Jordan!" Lexa cried, helping me slip my coat on while I hopped around trying to get my right shoe on.

"What? Why?" Aaron quizzed.

I slipped on my left shoe and grabbed my car keys.

"I need to tell Jordan about Max and about how I feel. I need to tell him- to tell him that I love him!"

And with that I burst out the door and sped out as fast as my legs could carry me.

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Oh my GAWWDD :OOOO

Stay tuned for the next chapter, I'm hoping it's a tear jerker :P

There will probably only be a couple chapters after this one so, yeah, I hope you enjoy!!

littlekopiteluu xx