I't's just another stressful day at work and I'm extra tired of the extra works my boss gave me earlier so I decided to give myself a lil break and went to the nearest park from my office.
It's 8 pm already and the moon is already visible along with the stars that illuminates the whole city. I sat on the empty bench. I've always loved the view I see since the day I started to have a new life here in Korea. I have a stable job and stable life. I'm doing my best to slowly reach my dreams,
That is to give my family a life that every ambitious person wants.
I grabbed my phone and my earphone from my bag. I searched through my playlist and played relaxing songs that will soothe my ears and soul.
I breathed heavily thinking that all my stress will come out along with my big exhales. It helped tho. It somehow lessen the heavy feeling.
I closed my eyes for a while, enjoying this peace I have in me right now. I'm singing along with the songs that touches my heart with every lyrics I utter silently. I stayed like that for few minutes before slowly opening my eyes.
My heart suddenly skipped a beat.
My blood rushed violently through my veins.
The butterflies in my stomach I havent felt for years suddenly came back like a rain in the middle of a sunny day.
I'm frozen from my seat and my eyes are glued only to you
Everything around me disappeared
I felt like the time paused for a while
You're here.
Standing meters away from me.
Youre here but I feel like we're miles apart because youre not looking at me.
Setting aside the distance I feel,
Your posture and body frame that I'll never not recognize,
Your height I'll never not get turned on,
Your face that never once left my mind
Everything about you is still the same
Youre still the Park Jimin I knew.
I was about to stand up when a beautiful fine woman holding a cute baby girl beside her approached you like you're someone they know. The woman is saying something and both of you smiled fondly to each other. She then grabbed a handkerchief from her bag and wiped your forehead too gently like youre a fragile glass that needs to be protected at all cost. My attention was then caught by the small baby girl when she reached for your leg and hugged it tight like she wont ever let you escape again. You noticed it and you grabbed her to carry her in your arms before showering her face with kisses while both of you are giggling.
It hit me.
My heart stings in a pleasant way. My sight is blurred because of the tears I didnt realize I was holding back since I saw you here again.
Throwback of us flashed in the back of my mind.
You were once mine
And I thought forever will be.
You once own my heart and I also own yours.
And I thought it will stay like that until eternity.
We were once each other's half
And I also thought it will stay like that until our very last breathe.
Before, we were something
But everything slowly fade into nothing
And everything we've built, we carved on each other's heart, the memories we've shared,
Drifted away like a smoke when you debuted as an idol 15 years ago.
Yes. 15 years ago.
But my love for you did not stop right there because in that 15 years,
In that 15 long years of watching you become succesful,
I'm still yours even though you're not mine anymore.
You still own my heart even though i dont own yours anymore.
Is this what I get for loving you so early?
You're still my half even though you're perfectly complete without me.
For me, you have become more than just everything even though for you, I just eventually turned into nothing.
I felt warm tears staining my heated cheeks.
I'm so overwhelmed with everything I feel right now. My heart and mind are having a war, whether to catch your attention or just watch you from afar.
I wiped my tears that doesnt stop from flowing. I pulled my headphones out and fixed my things before standing up, not to approach you but to go away and disappear from your sight.
I'm supposed to be relaxing here.
I looked over my shoulder one last time,
Y'all are eating together and laughing wholeheartedly. What a beautiful sight. A sight that I once dreamed that will only consists of you and me.
I subconsciously smiled, feeling a warmth inside me seeing a beautiful family having fun.
I looked away and continued to walk far from where you are and told myself that maybe,
just maybe,
"Fate gave me you, but God reserved you for someone else better than I do."
