A Therian Journal

Depressed

I don't like to talk about this stuff..

But i have to one day...

I am depressed...

Emo right? yeah

I am always in the background... I help and help and i have to put on a mask even around my gf so she will actually listen... that is was a feel and that is what happens...

I know she will bee reading this one day... and i feel like we will soon have to part ways... completely..

I want to be by her side but I feel like she is hating me more and more! She does not trust me at all...

I don't talk about my life around her and I make up friends to sound cool and popular around her!

no, I literately have no other friends than her. My friend that i keep talking to her about and I showed her... well... she's more of an acquaintance...

I try to be happy and all but i can't make friends. If she leaves... my love... I will be complretly alone. She has plently fo friend heck she has another person trying to take her away from me. I just want her to know me and she wants to talk... I know she will leave me at the end! I want to be happy but i never was... or at least i was...

They only person in the whole world who makes me happy is her... my gf...

My parents... I never really talk about them to her in detail like she does. I tell her usally the good stuff.... but what i really want from her is this:

Please, I want to be happy.

I want to be able to allways want to be real.

I want you there all so for me as I feel like this is one sided at times.

When you are depressed i come for you but you, you just look and walk away.

You don't see "me".

and excuse me for this...

NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME AS I NEED TO GROW THE FUCK UP AND NOT WANT PEOPLE TO COMFORT ME AS I NEED TO MAKE FRIEND IN REAL LIFE AND NOT RELY ON ONE PERSON NO MATTER HOW FUCKING IMPORTANT THEY ARE OR BE JEALOUS AS I WANT TO BE FREE.... AND FOR THAT I NEED TO BE ALONE AND I AM JUST GONNA SAY IT...

I am angry

I am so fucking mad

I want her to release her self around me!

Not any friend but ME

I want her to tell her every single fucking thing wrong!

I want her to tell me her problems!

She says I can't handle her emotions or problems or something but I want her to know.... I came prepared...

I got into this relationship not just because you are beautiful... smart... amazing..... creative... etc. but because I want HER

I want to carry your problems! I want to see you when you are are strong or the more weakest person... for for me to help you.. I want you to let me hold you and carry you through your problems because I fucking love you to your core and I got into the relationship to be there for you! I am here weather you like it or not weather you ignore me or listen... I will never want to be your crutch... I will NEVER EVER abandon you... even if we do brake up I will always and never ever forget you and I will always know and I still am... NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR SUCH A QUEEN, you are my rose.

-Axus the wolf