Motivation.
Move you fat cow get out of my way!!! I'm going to the gym you know that building that you haven't step foot in 10yrs!!
Im really getting sick of my husband talking to me like I'm nothing he use to look at me like I was his Queen now he looks at me like I disgust him. I probably do I disgust myself I us to be the flyest girl in Brooklyn high and Jason was the man I think I feel in love with him the first time I saw him. Jason was able to maintain his highschool physique I think he got better with age Jason was about 6'5 of pure mocha skin he had thick eye brows light brown eyes and full lips my husband has to be the sexist man on the planet at least in my eyes he was. I sat on the couch and finished of my Ben and Jerry's red velvet cake ice cream. I work from home so I'm guess i'll clean up around the house then cook some dinner. I run a small jewelry business in our basement just something to pass the time Jason's the primary bread winner he owns his own law firm so we have more then enough money.
**Ding Dong**
Hurry up girl!!
"What's up kesh!"
Nothing girl I gotta pee move.
Keisha was one of my best friends we ran Brooklyn High that girl is like my sister.
"So what brings you by light bright!"
Ha ha I just came from working out and I want to see if you wanted to go shopping there's a party tonight you wanna come?
"No girl I don't do party's !"
You don't do anything anymore all you do is stay in this house you use to be so fun and full of life ever since you lost the bab.....I'm sorry Kim I didn't mean...
"No it's ok I' ll be right back"
I hurried upstairs to my room cause I knew the tears was coming its no secret I've been a hermet all I do is sit in my house and eat. About 2yrs ago me and Jason had baby fever so we tried to get Pregnant for months I finally did we was so excited I had a beautiful pregnancy but towards the end something went wrong and the doctor said my baby wasn't getting enough fluids causing the baby to suffocate and die I have to deliver a dead baby and that broke my heart. After that I went into a deep depression. my once 5'2 130pd fame turned into 5'2 280pd fame of pure guilt and sadness I know I need to lose weight but I'm just lazy I know it turns Jason off we haven't had sex in a yearr he claims he can't get past my weight. Ive tried every diet out but nothing works I'll lose 10pds then put on 20 its hopeless.
I dried my tears and walk back down stairs.
Kim I'm so sorry I didn't mean to say that I'm just worried about you!
"Yea well you already said it we can't all be size 2's like you!"
But you use to be we use to share clothes all the time Kim your only 28 you just gave up i get it what happened to you was tramtic but Jason moved on Why can't you?
"Because I can't Jason didnt feel what I felt he will never truely under stand my pain."
But he lost a child too I know this is putting a strain on your marriage if you don't get it together your gonna lose that man!.
"You don't know shit this Convo is over!"
Well maybe I should go.
"Bye!"
Kesh got up and left that's my girl an all but sometimes she's out line I went to my stash cabinet and ate a row of chips ahoy cookies. I turned on some music and cleaned the house cooked dinner and took a shower I was feeling frisky so I put on some red biker Shorts and the matching Cami top I put my hair in a bun and looked at myself in the mirror from the neck up I was still beautiful I loved my chocolate skin my Hazel eyes and prefect white teeth. I still had big boobs and a big butt its just all this extra middle section that I didn't like. I heard Jason coming in the door so I ran his shower water.
"I turned the water on and cooked your dinner."
Thanks what you make?
"Fried chicken& macaroni salad"
Oh ok cool I don't need all that fatty food and you don't either.
"I know Jason do you always have to make me feel like shit I'm still your wife!"
Ha! Your not the woman I married you must have ate her!.
"Jason I'm really getting sick of you talking about me like I'm nothing!"
And I'm really getting sick of looking at you and what the hell do you have on you look like a fire truck I'm sleeping on the couch.
"But why I thought we could make love tonight?"
What! with you hell no so you can break my back I'm still recovering from the last time we tried to have sex I'll pass!
"really Jason if I disgust you so bad why are you with me you obviously don't love me anymore!"
That's not true I love you with all my heart your just.....I'm not attracted to you anymore.
"Wow ok Jason"
I can't believe he just said that to me I grabbed my sweater and a bottle of wine I walked outside to the back yard and started a fire and drank my wine I hate feeling like this I swear tomorrow I'm gonna make a change I need to get my husband back.
