Desperate

☽ wнy ☾

Lana found herself standing in front of the bathroom mirror again at the marks that still covered her body.

Ashamed at her self and upset with Jason she walked away from the mirror and back into their bedroom

"Doll? You doing alright?" Jason said grabbing Lana's arm as she walked by the bed

Lana let out a short sigh before answering "Yeah I am I guess, I'm alive right?" She said giving him a small smile

Jason furrowed his eyebrows "You're right doll but you seem down, are you sure that you want to go and visit Ivan and Marzia today?"

Lana looked up from the ground and remembered what her best friend was going through

A smile appeared on her once saddened face realizing that she wanted and needed to see Marzia. It's been months since Lana had seen her and she surely wasn't going to let sadness and pity for herself ruin today.

"I'm sure Jason" Lana nodded

"Alright if you insist but remember that I can still hear your thoughts" Jason said pulling Lana into his lap

"As much as you care about Marzia, remember that you come first, you are important and so is your mental health doll" He said pushing the hair that covered her swollen eye behind her ear

"I know Jason I just-" She paused before answering again

"I just want to see Marzia that's all"

"Ok doll if that's what you want than you shall have it" He smiled

Lana smiled back at him attempting to cover her swollen eye with her hair until Jason stopped her with a pained expression

"Doll" Jason stared at her intently

"Please just leave it" He said referring to her hair

"But Jase-"

"Doll" He said firmly

"Why?"

"Because seeing you with the marks covering your body that I gave you is a reminder as to why I want to get better"

"Are you taking your medication?"

Jason looked away from Lana's intense gaze "No I didn't today actually"

"We discussed this already Jase"

Lana turned away rolling her eyes and got out of Jason's loose grip

"Take your medication and if you insist on me showing my swollen eye then so be it!" Lana said tying her hair up in a ponytail

"Happy? Good"

Lana walked until she was downstairs in the living room, with a long sigh she sat on the living room couch not even bothering to turn on the television.

"I'm so sick of this" She whispered to herself

"I try- I try so hard to make him happy and it's never enough"

Tears begin to form in her eyes "I just can't do it anymore"

"I'm so tired of living this way, everyday we get into an argument I don't want this anymore" She continued to whisper to herself

✧

Jason still sat on the bed listening to Lana's conversation with herself downstairs

Is this really how she feels? Does she really hate being with me?