Muse

Epilogue ~ Love

Love | lev | noun; an intense feeling of deep affection. -New Oxford American Dictionary.

Epilogue; love

"And don't forget to call me as soon as you get there okay? Arthur, make sure she eats regularly. She somehow manages to forget breakfast sometimes." My mother rants to my boyfriend as I roll my eyes, stuffing the last bag into the back of Arthur's Jeep and turning around swiftly.

"Mom, the college is thirty minutes away. It's not like I'm moving across the country." I try for a gentle tone, knowing how my mom gets when she thinks we're neglecting her and taking her motherhood for granted.

She's extremely dramatic at times.

She huffs, a whimper escaping her lips as she suddenly grabs me, pulling me in for a hug; the hundredth one today.

"I know but...I'm used to you being here. And this is so last minute I - I thought your were taking a year off and then suddenly Arthur comes along and takes my baby off to college." She playfully glares at him and he chuckles, shaking his head.

I smile knowingly at him as he places a hand on my mom's shoulder. "Trust me Pam I'll take good care of our girl." He winks at me and I roll my eyes.

"Okay time to go." I laugh and pull away from my mom.

I look to the front doorway where my not so little brother leans against the frame, a small smirk on his handsome face. Lila is nowhere to be seen and I can tell he's missing his other half.

But fortunate for me, I get best friend perks and she cares so much for me that she's meeting us at the dorms to help me "cuteify" my side and to help me break the ice with my roommate.

"How are you feeling? You get to spend the next two years with mom alone." I grin.

He pretends to look miserable, squinting his face up in a grimace, "Don't remind me."

"She'll need you, Ray." I remind him, punching him lightly on the arm.

"I know that now." He smiles softly, "So are you prepared to jump into the year a quarter of the way in?"

Now it's my turn to grimace...for real. "Ugh I'm so nervous my butterflies have butterflies in their stomachs."

He laughs and throws an arm over my shoulder. "You'll do great. You're going to be the best darn author slash editor out there. Just you wait, soon I'll be looking at a celebrity."

I wipe away an escapee tear and laugh away the heartfelt moment. "Thanks Ray. I love ya kid."

He chuckles and waves me off as I get into the car, Arthur beside me where he belongs.

"You ready, Love? It's time for the next chapter in your life." He grins at me, reaching over and grabbing my hand.

I rub my thumb over the soft skin of his. "I think so. At least I'll be close to you." I remind myself that Arthur's college is only forty minutes away and I'll get to see him often.

"That's very true." He brings my hand to his mouth in a silent kiss.

I sigh, resting my head on the headrest of my seat. I swallow the lump in my throat, holding my bag to my chest where my journal lies.

I love having my journal back but...I haven't written in it much. I used to use it mostly for my heartache and my pain. Or of course other things.

But ever since this past summer I can't bring myself to open it or read it. It doesn't bring the same feeling it used to.

Now I almost feel...weighted down. Heavy.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Arthur wonders aloud, sparing a glance away from the road to look at me.

"Nothing. Just feeling my life has changed so much since summer. In some ways I don't even feel like the same person." I confess with a sad smile.

He squeezes my hand gently, "Well just know that whoever you are I love her as much as I loved the old Lovely."

My heart warms at his words. I still haven't gotten used to the L word coming from his mouth. Especially in reference to me. But I silently hope I never do.

"And I love you." I reply lovingly.

"Not as much as you love Sour Punch Straws apparently. Don't think I didn't notice the stash you stole from my house last night." He deadpans.

I feel my eyes roll up and around. "You know I need a stash for college. How else will I get through the long nights of exams and cramming sessions?"

"How about with coffee like every other normal person." He mumbles, making a sharp turn to the right.

"Geez babe be careful." I hiss.

"Sorry." He chuckles, glancing at our hands where mine is clutching his tightly in stress.

We make it there in what seems like seconds and the butterflies in my stomach completely freak out.

As we get out of the Jeep I look up at the building that will be my second home for the next several years. 

"You okay? You look a little pale." Arthur's green eyes examine my face and I do my best to find comfort in them.

"I'm just...what if this is a mistake? Did you know that like a lot of people don't even use their college degree? What if this is just a debt trap?" I ramble, many scenarios on how these next four years are going to go - most of them pretty bad.

He sighs, turning to me and placing my face in his hands. "Lovely. You're the best writer I've ever met. You're beautiful, talented, and smart. You're going to do great. And I'll be here every step of the way." His reassurance calms the storm in my heart and in my mind (but mostly my stomach) and I know that with him and God I can do anything.

"Thanks." I whisper, tears coming to my eyes involuntarily.

He smiles, his hand moving to my lower back and pushing me into the building.

"Alright now lets go find Lila and meet your new roommate."

I give him a weary smile and let him lead me to the door.

"Okay." I whisper to myself, "let's do this."

I walk through the door.