chapter 1
"Finally" I breathed out as I saw the 'release seatbelt' button light up above me on the plane.
I hated flying, always have. I'm afraid of heights and I just don't like being restricted to such a confined space for an extensive period of time. It didn't help that I was in what was probably the worst frame of mind that I ever have been.
I was on my way to LA for some pre show meetings. Coldplay's management was out there for some reason and because none of the other girls could squeeze it in and Nadine was already out there, I pulled the short straw and had to fly out. In my head Nadine was more than capable of representing the five of us on her own, with Hilary Skypeing in of course, but the other girls had their concerns and felt it was best of one of us goes as well.
So with Cheryl busy with X factor, Sarah filming something (I don't even know what) and Kimberley being the lucky one on holiday, the duty fell onto me. The last thing I wanted to be doing right now is being on a plane flying over to LA, I just wanted to curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep. But how could I say that to the girls? How could I explain to them that yet another one of my romantic relationships had ended in a disaster?
I’d been single for quite a while, after Carl I just needed to take some time to myself. That relationship was so intense at the end. I realised that age doesn’t really matter, but when you’re in your early 20’s like I was, and working as much as I was, it’s hard to give yourself completely to a relationship like he wanted me to. Before Carl I had been in a long-term relationship too. Since the age of 15 I had never been alone, I hadn’t learnt who I was; I hadn’t grown into myself and learnt to be independent.
So when it came to building my relationship with Charlie I was hesitant, not because I was scared but because I was now a completely different person than I had been in past relationships.
But six months into the relationship with a man, who I completely trusted and loved with all my heart, I walk in on him in out bedroom with another woman. I was distraught, he was apologetic and regretful but it was over, and now I was just numb.
I don’t want to be doing this right now but I’ve made a commitment and I never turn back on a promise.
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Walking through LAX airport I felt absolutely shattered. No matter how much flying I’ve done in the span of my career, nothing could prevent the amount of jet-lag that was already settling in.
“The promise I made, promise I made…”
I heard this tune playing over and over in my head and I wasn’t sure if it was real or if my own mind was going off the rails a little bit.
Then people started to look at me weirdly and I remembered that I was the sad person who set her own song as her ringtone.
I pulled my phone out of my handbag without bothering to check who the caller was.
I put the phone to my ear “hello?” I asked, trying to mask the sound of sadness and tiredness in my voice.
“Nicola?” I heard a Geordie voice say through the phone. “it’s us, I just wanted to see if you’d landed yet?”.
“Yeah Chez, I’m just making my way out of the airport now”. I said distractedly while trying to follow signs that would lead me to the right exit.
“what time is it over there?” I asked checking my watch. It was weird for her to be calling, I knew it was quite late over there and being in the middle of X factor auditions she didn’t do many late nights.
“it’s almost midnight, but I can’t sleep” I sighed into the phone.
“did you fight with Ashley?” I asked.
Things had not been going well for them lately, ever since the cheating scandal occurred last year things still hadn’t quite settled for them, despite Cheryl making the decision to stay with him.
As much as I admired her for that decision I don’t know how she did it, with Charlie I know I could never go back. Maybe my heart just wasn’t in it as much as hers is.
I was broken out of my thoughts by Cheryl sobbing through the phone.
“Cheryl?” I sighed again.
As much as I wanted to help her I couldn’t be dealing with this right. I hated the Kimberley was away at the moment to so Cheryl couldn’t turn to her.
“I’m sorry Nicola, I know you’re busy. I’ll be fine, I’m just going to go get some sleep, I’ll talk to you later”.
Before I could respond I heard the phone beep in my ear, indicating that she had ended the call.
It was for these reasons that I hadn’t told the girls about Charlie, everyone had so many things on their plates that I didn’t want to be the person adding to their load. It was okay for Cheryl, we all knew what she was going through and that she had baggage but me? I was never the needy friend and I didn’t want to start now.
But I could slowly feel my resolve breaking and only hoped I could hold it out for the remainder of this trip.
