chapter 3
Nadine’s POV
After I’d sent Nicola to bed I busied myself making dinner. I loved to cook; I found it relaxing and therapeutic. Apart from singing and performing it was something that could distract me and ease my worries. I really was quite worried about Nicola.
From the beginning of the band Nicola was never the most outspoken or strongly opinionated member, it took her a while to grow into herself, and to become happy with making herself heard. I’ve never told her this but I am really proud of her. She’s become so strong-willed and comfortable in her own skin, but she’s still remained the same sweet and kind girl she always was. But she didn’t need me to tell her that, she had Cheryl and Kimberley for that.
I was worried though because I’d never seen her so quiet and withdrawn into herself. Speaking with her only a few weeks ago about this trip and upcoming meeting I got the impression that she was truly excited about it. And when she was passionate about something she never let her opinion fall onto deaf ears.
The truth was though despite knowing each other since the age of 16 and spending as much time together as we have, we weren’t that close. In fact, I think Nicola and I were closer to each of the other girls than we were with each other.
Not knowing quite how to approach this situation was something I needed to remedy, especially if she was going to be staying with me. So after I’d set the spaghetti to boil in a pot I decided to give Kimberley a quick call.
She didn’t take long to answer my call and soon enough I heard her voice coming through the speaker.
“so… you never call me while I’m home but when I’m on holiday you do?”. I was slightly taken aback by her response and I was not sure if she was being serious or not.
“Ahh… “I stuttered, “I’m sorry?”.
“It’s okay honey I was only kidding” she sounded quite amused by my hesitant response but I was glad she was only joking around with me.
“So what are you ringing me for Nadz?”.
“Can’t a girl just call her band mate out of the blue?” I asked, carrying on with the humour that was behind her past comments.
“You know I love you, Nadine but that exactly what this phone call is, out of the blue” she told me. It was true, I was quite slack when it came to getting in touch with people. Not just with the girls but with anyone. But I never felt the need to constantly know all about someone’s life in order to feel close with them.
“I just called because I’m worried about Nicola” I said to her, “she just seems like something bad has happened”.
There was a slight pause before Kimberley’s response; usually this meant she was processing information.
“Well, have you asked her what’s wrong?” She told me, as though it was the obvious solution to my dilemma.
I thought about this for a moment, I hadn’t asked her and the reason was because I was scared of the response I would get. She would either tell me to stay out of her business, which would hurt, or she would tell me everything and I wouldn’t know how to help her.
“No I haven’t asked her, Kim” I sighed into the phone “what if she doesn’t want to talk to me about it? We’re not the closest of friends after all”.
“Look, you two may not be the closest of friends but you’ve known each other forever, she does trust you” Kimberley said to me, in what sounded like was supposed to be a reassuring tone. “If she doesn’t want to talk about it she’ll tell you so”.
“I just don’t want to over-step any boundaries” I said. It was the truth, I felt like sometimes I had to tip toe around the other girls when it came to the big problems. I wasn’t into deep and meaningful discussions and often that resulted in me keeping my distance from the girls when things got tough.
This distance is what started the rumours of rifts within the band, like when I wasn’t around for Cheryl when everything with Ashley came out. She had my full support, always did, but I didn’t feel as though she needed me there. She didn’t ask me to be and she had the others there, I felt as though it would’ve been smothering for her if I had been there too. It was often this way with the girls.
“What boundaries?” Kimberley asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. “She’s you’re friend Nadine, so just be her friend.
It all sounded so simple coming from Kimberley, like I really had no reason to worry at all. She always had a way of putting my mind at ease. It got me thinking that maybe this conversation was more about settling my own insecurities than actually helping Nicola.
“You know what” I said into the phone, hoping that I had finally found my resolve “I think I will do just that, I’ll let you get back to your holiday”.
“Okay then”, Kimberley laughed into the phone before her tone turned more serious. “Make sure you keep me posted though, it was good to hear from you babe”.
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We then said our goodbyes and I went back to preparing the spaghetti. Just as I had finished plating up and was heading up the stairs to wake up Nicola, Jason came into the kitchen.
“What’s all this then?” he asked me, gesturing to the food that was now set on the table. His tone was more accusing than a simple question.
“It’s dinner” I told him.
“I thought we said we were going out for dinner tonight…” he told me. I turned to look at him and I really couldn’t tell if the look on his face was one of disappointment or of anger.
Whatever it was it was making me a little angry. I had been shocked earlier today at his utter disregard for Nicola’s feeling and now his obvious ill-feelings towards having her stay with us.
“Are you serious?” I asked him, in what was probably a more harsh tone than what need be. “Did you not see Nicola when we picked her up? Something was clearly upsetting her and now you want to leave her asleep upstairs and go out for dinner?”.
The look on his face softened when he realised how much his comments had upset me “that’s not what I meant Nadine, I-”.
“You know, J, just save it for now” I said sighing, I had enough on my mind right now and I didn’t need this too. “Dinner is getting cold and I don’t want to argue with you at the moment”.
I turned to continue making my way up the stairs when I heard him speak again “I think I’m just going to go out then, some of my old teammates are in town”. He told me as he collected his coat and wallet and headed for the door.
I really didn’t know what his problem was. Usually Jason was very laid back but I didn’t know what had happened to the caring, sweet and supportive man that I had fallen in love with. These past few weeks and last few days in particular, he had grown clingy and easily irritable, all the things that I hated. Whatever was causing it was just another problem to add to my platter.
