Chapter 4 -
Nicola's POV
I was now sitting on the leather sofa in Nadine's lounge, curled up under a woollen blanket that she had given me earlier. She was sitting on the couch opposite me, flicking through the channels with the remote control.
After we finished eating she told me to come in here and relax while she cleaned up. She then came in and joined me and we've been like this for the past fifteen minutes, siting with an unsettling silence between us.
The awkwardness between us had grown worse since dinner. I also noticed that Jason wasn't around but I didn't know whether it would be a good idea to bring it up or not. One of us was going to have to say something eventually though, we couldn't go on like this.
Thankfully it didn't have to be me, "alright, there is absolutely nothing on tv" she said, breaking the silence. "You know even with cable I struggle to find something decent to watch, I miss British television".
I couldn't help but think of a rude remark regarding the lack of time she spent over in the UK, but thought would be best to keep my mouth shut about that for now.
"What did you want to do then?" I asked her, not really knowing what else to say to her.
"Umm" she hesitated for a moment before continuing. The look on her face suggested that she was thinking hard, probably not knowing what to say to me either. "Did you want to go over anything before the meeting?".
I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes at her suggestion. The meeting wasn't scheduled until the day after tomorrow. We didn't need to go over anything right now.
I was annoyed that she chose thus topic, something that was safe and something that we could talk about with no issues because all we get spoke about was work. Was she just incapable of opening up?
"Did I say something to upset you?" She asked me suddenly. I looked up at her to see a panicked look etched across her face. Clearly she had gaged from my reaction to her suggestion that it wasn't something I favoured.
I wasn't used to seeing Nadine like this, all worried and insecure. She never came across like that with me. Though it's not like I had much time to notice, we never spent much time alone.
"No you haven't, I just don't feel like talking about work right now". It's all we ever talked about.
Before she had a chance to continue the topic, I decided to change it.
"Where's Jason?" I asked her.
She turned to look away from me, staring at her hands.
"He left" she told me "he went out to dinner with some old teammates".
It seemed like a logical explanation for his absence, being a Friday night and all, but I knew from their earlier interactions that there was something off between the two of them. Even in my tired state I knew something was wrong.
"Did you two fight or something?" I asked her, prying a little further. "He didn't seem too happy about me staying with you guys...".
I could tell she wasn't too comfortable talking to about this, she took a minute before she said anything else.
"I don't know what his problem is, it's not like you caused it by coming here" she told me, to my relief, now looking up at me "it's been building up for a few weeks now, he's getting clingy and I don't know why".
I couldn't help but think back to all of her past relationships and her fear of commitment. Nadine always seems to be the one in a relationship who is happy to be followed, but when someone needs more from her, she walks the other way.
I knew this wasn't because she didn't care, it was out of fear, or she just didn't know how to give herself fully to somebody.
"You've always been scared of commitment though Nadine" I said to her, "maybe he just seems like he's getting clingy because he feels like you don't care as much about the relationship as he does".
"Is that really what you think?" She asked me, with a withering voice.
"you think I don't care?".
I could see that her eyes were now glossing over and knew that I would have to tread carefully with my next comments.
"Well it's just you distance yourself so much from us Nadine, how am I supposed to know that you don't do the same with Jason?" My voice stayed calm and I didn't mean what I had said to upset her.
I watched as she clenched her eyes shut and the tears slowly moved down her face. It was only then that I understood that she thought that I had basically insinuated that she didn't care about myself and the girls.
"I didn't mean for you guys to think that I don't care" she whispered to me quietly before getting up from the couch and going up the stairs.
I didn't know whether to go after her or not, maybe I had caused more harm than good. All I wanted was for a conversation to once revolve around something else other than the band. I never realised she was so insecure about her relationships with us all.
---
I spent the next few hours downstairs, thinking about how I was supposed to convince Nadine that I did in fact know how much she cared about us all. I didn't want to make her more insecure about her relationship with Jason, I wanted it to work between them and I was determined to fix it. Maybe it was because my own love life was falling apart, I'm not too sure.
I made my way up the stairs and tapped lightly onto her bedroom door. "Nadine?" I called out, "are you asleep?".
"Yes" I heard her respond through the door, making me giggle a little to myself. The laughter ended though as soon as I pushed through the door.
There she was, curled up into the foetal position on her bed holding tightly onto a pillow. I slowly approached her before taking a seat onto the opposite side. It was only after I got closer that I noticed the tear stained down her cheeks.
"I do care" I heard Nadine stutter out, before I was even able to think of what I could to say to her.
"I know you do" I said, stroking her hair out of her dampened face "I didn't mean it to come out like that".
"I know my moving out here hasn't done any good for our relationship but I don't want you or the girls thinking that I don't care about yous". She told me with great sincerity in her voice, and now sitting up on the bed.
"I know", I whispered to her again. This was all making me a little emotional.
"Look at us" she said, laughing slightly, "earlier today you were the one who was upset and now you're comforting me".
I couldn't help but join her and laugh at that, today had definitely been one emotional roller coaster, but I was feeling better being in the company of a friend.
"You know you can trust me right?" She said to me, taking her hand in mine "if you ever need to talk, I'm right here".
I smiled at her and stroked my thumb over her hand, hoping she would take that as me offering her the same thing.
I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, even if she knew so so something was wrong. I was going to focus on mending her relationship with Jason, she had to see that I cared about her too.
