P.S. Don't Love Me

Chapter 17

AN: If ever may time kayo, basahin nyo din yung book namin ni drifter na A Beautiful Disaster dahil may ibang scenes dito na konektado sa mga eksena doon. At doon nyo din mababasa yung ibang nararamdaman ni Sofia. Yun lamang. Lablab :*

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YANA'S POV:

"Start talking." I freaking swallowed hard. Yeah, I know na ako si Alyana Lopez at walang kinakatakutan pero yung tono kasi ng boses ni Klarisse, medyo nakakakaba and nakakaintimidate. At yung way nang pagkakatingin nya sa akin, iba eh, hindi ko mabasa kung ano yung ibig sabihin non.

Pero nandito na ako eh. Kailangan ko na rin pangatawanan 'to. Kailangan kasi talaga naming dalawang mag-usap eh.

"Where do you want me to start?" tanong ko na lang sa kanya. Hindi ko naman kasi talaga alam kung saan magsisimula eh.

She just shrugged kaya wala na lang akong nagawa kundi simulan kung kelan nagsimula yung pagiging 'ulila' ko.

"I-I was six years old when our-I mean, your dad, abandoned my mother and I. He told us that he didn't want to ruin your family so he needed to stay away from us." I smiled at her bitterly. Bigla kasing bumalik sa akin lahat ng nangyari noon. "M-my mom begged for him to stay. She even told him that she's willing to keep whatever they have--or had, a secret. I even saw my mom held your father's leg for him not to leave us, but he just removed my mother's hands and then walked away without looking back." I continued kahit ang sakit-sakit na sa akin na alalahanin lahat. Pero siguro kailangan ko 'to. Kailangan kong ilabas lahat ng sakit na kinikimkim ko.

When I looked at Klarisse, nakita kong nalulungkot din sya sa ikinukwento ko pero hindi sya nagsasalita or nagkokomento at mukhang hinihintay na ituloy ko yung kwento.

"That day, it's not just your dad that I lost, I also lost my mom. She told me that it was my fault that your dad left us. I remembered it. I remembered everything that she said. I remembered her pained eyes while looking at me. She blamed me for everything that happened to us." I chucked bitterly. "And you know what's funny, she didn't even think that she's blaming an six-year-old girl who was not even sure of what her mother was talking about." I tried to laugh pero nagulat ako nang biglang may pumatak na luha sa mga mata ko. Naiiling na pinahid ko lang 'to.

"She left me, too. Iniwan nya ako sa kapatid nya. I was lucky na rin dahil itinuring akong sariling anak ng Tito at Tita ko. But that wasn't enough. Ang kailangan ko, magulang, totoong pamilya. Tapos alam mo ba, ang mas nakakatawa, naging schoolmates tayo. Nung una, akala ko, ka-apelyido lang talaga kita, pero nung nalaman ko yung pangalan ng tatay mo, dun ko nalaman na magkapatid tayo. I didn't approach you. Hindi ko sinabi sa'yo yon dahil I know na baka mas kamuhian ako ng tatay mo kapag bigla akong lumapit sa'yo at sabihing anak ako ng tatay mo sa kabit nya. At hindi ko rin alam kung papa'no mo tatanggapin yon, at kung maniniwala ka sa sinabi ko." pilit ko pa ring pinapahid yung mga luha ko.

"Then I saw him nung graduation mo. He was so proud of you. Ang sakit-sakit ng naramdaman ko non. Sabi ko, bakit ang unfair? Bakit ikaw masaya? Bakit ako, miserable? Bakit ako, walang karapatang maging masaya? I hated you, sobra. Kasi bakit nasa'yo na lahat? Yung Mama mo, sobrang close kayo, sobrang mahal ka, yung tatay natin, mahal ka din, eh ako, sinong nagmamahal sa akin? Wala. Dahil wala akong pamilya." mapait na sabi ko pa.

I her her sigh pero hindi pa rin sya nagsalita. Nakatingin lang sya sa akin.

"Naisip ko pa ngang sabihin sa'yo para masira din yung pamilya nyo, para quits lang tayo. Pero hindi eh, hindi ko rin kinaya. Nung nakita ko yung happiness sa mga mata mo, sabi ko, bakit kita idadamay sa kamiserablehan ng buhay ko. At isa pa, wala ka din namang kasalanan tulad ko diba?" sabi ko pa sabay ngiti sa kanya.