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50: back to my monotony.

I was listening closely and when he completed his sentence with the shouldn't be together thing, it was like somebody had fired a match in my chest.. My throat felt like it's been closed by some force. My insides wanted to implode.  My lungs, almost catching fire. Of course these were just the extreme feelings. But the pain, I can feel in my gut, I couldn't control it since I was already crying. I couldn't complain because he was too.
I could see it.

"Then we should maybe." Was all I could whisper. It was more like a mumble. But he can hear it. I'm sure.

He stared at my face for one whole minute. I can tell he wasn't expecting this at all. And not shifting my gaze from the floor, i told him
"You should go. I'm leaving tomorrow, have to sleep."
He left without asking questions.
Next day, he drove me to the train station but his mom was there too. She could feel the tension in the air. Where nobody talked and our puffed up eyes, KV had shades on, but she's a mother, and mothers, they know everything. Believe it or not.

KV didn't even say a bye. It was all to square one. Where we were strangers again. No hellos and no goodbyes.

Reached home and somehow I was relieved. There wasn't any burden..I didn't have to put up with anything.. My secret life was over.
I was a loser again. And that was easier. Believe me. Or maybe I was lying to myself. Maybe this was all a defense mechanism I made up , to refrain myself from missing him.

My entrance exams and boards were this year and all I did was study. Went to classes, studied like there's nothing else in this world.
I tried to socialise with my school friends which they found weird because I've been unexpectedly chirpy these days which I'm normally not. They think I've lost it. Or I want attention.
Both of which aren't true.

We went like this for about 3 months. No texts. No calls. No messages via Roop.
I was living the same life a year and a half ago.
Same thing was, I needed help in physics. I was too weak in it. Even if I was passing, there was no way I could cope up with that in my entrances.
But somehow I was managing my way without fucking up.
Best thing about this was, I wasn't crying. I've heard that breakups are painful. More things I've heard about breakups were
People cry a lot.
People eat ice creams in a tub.
People watched chick flicks.
People didn't take baths.
People didn't leave their house for weeks.
People get drunk.
People drunk dial their exes.
People look for rebounds.
And I needed none of them. I was fine. Wasn't crying. Wasn't watching any chick flick (didn't have time tbh), I wasn't eating any ice cream, I bathed twice daily. And I studied a lot.
Maybe that was my break up thing.
Studying a lot.
Who knew.
I had already found that it was not good to be alone, and so made companionship with what there was around me, sometimes with the universe and sometimes with my own insignificant self; but my books were always my friends, let fail all else. But soon my mom packed all my books and kept them In the attic..so I wouldn't distract myself.. Legit tho. I didn't complain. I was kinda fine with that.
At school I didn't even tell Akira  about the break up. I was trying to be adult about it. I know we didn't act like adults when we broke up but I guess now was the time.