--

43: realities..

"The way Leena told me, it seems total different.. I'm sorry I didn't know this all happened. I'm really sorry I shouldn't have asked. I shouldn't have pried like this.."

"Are you ashamed of me?"
"What makes you say that?"
"I don't know.i dont see any reason why you shoudnt.. Maybe because I'm ashamed of myself. And I cannot expect anyone not to Judge me after what all happened..i'm always so stupid.. theres nothing in this world that can change that fact.. Believe me if I were you, I would have said , what a stupid naive girl"

"That's the difference between you and me Naina...its high time you realize and learn what you have taught me..Naina you taught me to see everything positive about a person.. Even the one I hate the most--" and I cut him off.

"Please don't say anything." And I sobbed more.

"Naina I know things have been really bad from that day that asshole texted you.. You stopped believing in yourself. You don't think high of yourself anymore.. You kind of hate yourself..you don't trust people who tell you you're beautiful..you reject compliments like they're some epidemics.. You think everyone else is better than you.. Stop doing that Naina. Please."

"Please stop KV. Plea--"

"You have no idea how much power you give me Naina.. You're the kryptonite that I only wished for.. I only assumed that there were people who were selfish or judgmental or masked.. But when I met you, I don't know I felt like I can also live just like everyone. I don't have to be a robot.. You make me realise that I'm something.. It was you who--"

"WILL YOU STOP THAT KV. I REALLY DONT WANT THIS SYMPATHY. IDK BUT I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THE THING THAT HAPPENED WITH SHASHANK. IM EXPECTING NO PEP TALK. I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME OR WHATEVER. YOU ASKED FOR IT.. I DIDNT WANT THIS LECTURE ON SELF LOATHING OR WHATEVER YOU NEED ME TO BELIEVE..PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT IM SOMETHING SPECIAL. BECAUSE IM NOT. PLEASE DONT."
And I hung up the phone.

Later that day I got a text from him.

******you didn't let me complete but I wanted to say earlier that... You're my reality Naina.******

whaatt????

reality aint supposed to be a nice thing although. why does this thing looks like a compliment then? reality ? i was someone's reality?

but on the other hand, he wasnt mine. he was my escape.. he was a book that i read when i thought life was too harsh, when i thought that harsh reality wasnt treating me well. my escape was such a dreamy place.. but why was his reality something like me?

i called him the next morning and apologized.

"i'm sorry for yesterday.. i really am."

"you've said that enough. please chill Naina!" he sounded like everything was normal. nothing happened. "well anyways, yesterday sure did teach me something."

"what?"

"that we sometimes are like normal couple.."

"stop right there. do not call us that.. we are nothing. just shushhh" and i was too annoyed to listen to any of his tease. to which he laughed hysterically.. god i so loved that laughter..sometimes i get this sudden awareness that oh god he's mine.. really? i cant believe that..woah.

"Naina..i have an entrance test in a month or two.. so,"

"again KV? again are you going to skip school and coming to see me? but KV we just met..just met !!!! why do you need to come and see me this much? whats up with you??"

"you're so unromantic Naina.."

"do you want the hopeless romantic version of me then??"

"do you even have that???"

"yeah i surely do !!!"

"naah i'm fine with this one..i like to tease this version until you blush the cherries out of you're cheeks.."

"HEY I DONT BLUSH"

"yes you do.."

"shhhutt upppp karanveer singh khatri..i never blush.. not in front of you atleast."

"you even stutter when you blush so.. that too"

"oh oh oh nooooo stutter?me? no ways.."

"okay leave it.."

"yeah you better"

"btw Naina..lets meet up after you're terms.. i'll stay for a week or two in jabalpur and we'll chill..and also after you're first terms i'll have a great reason to visit, since youre performance in physics hasnt been that good so you're mom dad could trust me with that !!"

"i cant believe you're making fun of my physics for you're personal benefit.."

"what personal benefit Naina..?"

"what?"

"what personal benefit would i get after coming jabalpur ??"

"emm--eh nothing its just you wanted-- eh to come-- its just, i didnt mean anything like th--at "

"and you're honor, this is the classical example of blushing plus stuttering at the same time.."

his laughter was so sweet that i blushed even harder, and good thing, he couldnt see this!! i kept quiet for a few seconds..he didnt speak either..

wow Naina, you've been a pro in creating a comfortable silence!! way to go gurl !! way to go !

"Nainaa.."

"em yeah"

"i really wish i could have met you few years ago.."

"why would you say that KV.. you're life was really adequately spent..i wouldnt have ever wished for that if i were you.."

"you know nothing Naina..my life is adequate right now..right amount of drama, right amount of love, right amount of everything.. you woudnt realise this now but,you changed everything naina...everything"

"and so did you.."

oh how little to tell this to a guy who actually changed everything in my life..who brought  a storm but in a good way.. i was just a wave whereas he was a whole tide in  my life.. 

how can and how will i tell him that.. for a person like me whose terrible at expressing things, at this speed, he will never in this entire life will get to know how much he means to me.. so he better assume things..