Damaged

Goodbye, for keeps, Forever

She had spent all day crying – she was so damned tired of the tears. It was all she seemed to do since moving back in with her parents. Either that or sit in her room, staring at a wall, and wishing that it was all a dream. She was too afraid to leave her home. The FBI had captured Edison a little over a month ago, but that did nothing to make her fear go away. Her paranoia had settled in a long time ago and each time she tried to go out, tried to convince herself that nothing bad would happen, it settled back in – comforting her like a long lost friend and reminding her that someone else could easily take Edison's place. It was hell.

Staring out the window, she watched as her mom and dad worked in the flower beds below. The sun was high in the sky – relentlessly beating down on the dry earth. It hadn't rained for days. Olivia liked the rain. The rain was a reason why she wouldn't go outside. She took every reason she could get that didn't involve her own cowardice.

"I'm so pathetic," she mumbled as she stood from her bed. It was one – time for her to take her medicine. She hated the pills, but her family doctor had decided she needed them after the trauma she had gone through. She padded down the stairs to the kitchen. The medicine bottle stood on the counter. Popping the lid, she tapped the container against her hand, watching as several small, orange pills filled her palm at once. She only needed one, but the thought of taking all that had fallen in her hand tickled the back of her mind. She could escape – really escape. She wouldn't have to worry about Edison – she wouldn't have to testify against him, either. She could finally be free.

With shaky hands, she sat the pills on the counter, counting them as she emptied the rest of the bottle. The small pile would be enough – she was sure. Heading toward the refrigerator, she pulled the stainless steel door toward her, locating her father's bottle of whiskey at the back of the top shelf. Pouring herself a tall glass, she placed one pill on the tip of her tongue – chasing the pill with a burning sip of the amber colored liquid. The slow method, taking each pill one at a time and savoring the burning of the alcohol as it slid down her throat, relaxed her.

All she had to do was wait, and she had all the time in the world.

~*~

"Olivia?" For once, her therapist was surprised. It wasn't her usual, scheduled time for therapy, yet here Olivia stood, nervously at the door to her therapist's office.

"Doctor Clarke? I was wondering...do you have time to talk?" She fidgeted with the strap of her bag. She had only recently willingly began to come to this office. Coming here when it wasn't her scheduled time was a huge leap for her. She needed someone to talk to, though. Her dream the previous night had been almost unbearable.

"Of course. Have a seat, Olivia." Her doctor glanced at the clock before inviting her in to take her usual seat on the leather loveseat. Dropping her bag to the ground, Olivia slid onto the soft leather. Leaning against the back, she sighed.

"Last night I dreamed about Chris." She closed her eyes as she said that, leaning her head against the back of her seat. She tried blocking the images that were still burned in her head. Why did she have to have that dream?

"Your friend, Abby's brother?" They had touched on this subject before. Briefly, but they had discussed it. When Olivia had first started therapy, her therapist had been given all the details of her past and what had led to the sudden onset of depression and insomnia. Doctor Clarke had seen all the newspaper articles, heard all the first-hand accounts from her parents. She knew that Chris had been like an older brother to Olivia – always around from the moment she and Abby had had their first playdates as children.