How to Write Stories People Will Love

Question 14: Descriptive writing

Demi9639 asks: I've been having trouble being descriptive in my writing. I know what everything looks like in my head, but I'm having trouble getting it into my story. I don't really know where to put it or how to word it. Any advice?

There's an art to properly placing descriptions in the right place so that they don't disrupt the flow of the story. The way I do it is to think about what details a reader will need at any given moment. They rarely need everything at once. I'll make up an example to demonstrate...

THE CLUNKY WAY

I entered the room and was struck by how clinical everything seemed. The air smelled antiseptic. The walls were white. The chairs lined up in even rows, flanked by perfectly arranged magazines. Fluorescent lighting glared into my eyes, washing out what little color existed in the room. There were no windows. Just framed prints of generic garden scenes.

A man brushed past me, and I resisted the urge to turn around and leave. What was I doing here? Why did Derek want to meet me here?

THE  WAY THAT FLOWS BETTER

I entered the room and was struck by how clinical everything seemed. My nose wrinkled at the antiseptic smell that clung to the air. Why did Derek want to meet me here?

A man brushed past me, jostling me into one of the neatly aligned chairs, flanked by perfectly arranged magazines.

"Sorry," he mumbled without meeting my eyes, and left.

I squinted my own eyes against the harsh fluorescent lighting that glared off the stark white, windowless walls. What was I doing here? This place made my skin crawl. The only solace were the framed prints of generic garden scenes, which seemed incongruent with this cold place.

In the first example, we stop everything to describe the room. Although the description is decent enough, the story has no choice but to stop while the description goes on and on. This method of writing is not necessarily wrong. Some people enjoy getting engrossed in their environment and don't mind stopping the story for a time to do so. However, my own preference is to keep the story inching forward.

In my second example, I've sprinkled in the same descriptions into a series of actions. We still get a sense of what the room is like, but things are happening at the same time. We might actually feel like we're in the room too. In my opinion, this is the effect you want. To bring your reader along with you.

I've seen stories written both ways, but in my opinion, the latter tends to be a quality of page-turners.